#there's a trend of people getting so lost in their own sauce that they come out of it arguing the realism of completely made up traits

[moonyinpisces]

when are we as a society going to be able to understand that "everyone is allowed to have fun in fandom in however way they want even if the end result looks nothing like the original media" and "canon compliance is the highest standard in fandom and is not at all equivalent to fanon" are both two ideas that can and should exist concurrently with each other

[wetcatspellcaster]

saw you said something about assuming a lot of people were interested in Pieces and then left but i am actually so invested in An Honest Lie that i wait for you release a few chapters so that i can binge read them all at once lmao. a lot of novelization style fics get so lost in the sauce but even in act 3 Honest Lie is so engaging, you're doing an amazing job with it! i actually only started reading Pieces (which i also love!!) because i ran out of more Honest Lie to read LOL. imo you are truly the goat of bg3 fic.

hey anon! thank you for being so lovely! again and as always, i am not fishing when i write stuff in the tags, i more just cant keep my fucking mouth shut :')))

i'm glad to hear you are invested!!! i think i was a little lost with an honest lie for a while, as I mostly started it to stop getting the 'shame it's incomplete :(' comments on bleeding heart. I think that meant I jumped in before I was ready! I'm now at a point where i understand what my goals are and why I'm writing it, but that initial indecision always makes me doubt myself. and though it is less 'popular' than pieces, (which makes sense, pieces truly was my big hit of 'first time writing in a fandom at it's height', and i'll never get that again unless i chase fandom trends rather than writing at my own pace), I really do appreciate the readership, which is full of long-time supporters that make me feel very loved - and I never want it to sound like I don't!

by which i mean... I'm very thankful that honest lie has its fans that continually remind me why I wrote it! :) if you and others are enjoying it, it's worth continuing. I am also happy with how it's developed, and where it has ended up :) we're almost at Astarion ending characterisation! which only means more joy to come x

[kymiya]

geordi n cutie headcanons bc im trying to manifest their next audio

⋅ cutie can (and will) fuck up a seafood boil, i mean sauce all over their face and hands, broken crab shells everywhere, they dgaf 💀

⋅ geordi is a clean freak, and not in the way you’re thinking, he’s a clean freak because he literally cannot handle the thought of judgment. his anxiety is actually eating away at him when (or if) people come over

⋅ speaking of which, geordi actually doesn’t like inviting people over. well, he doesn’t really mind if people come over, but he would much rather go over to other people’s houses for his own comfort

⋅ cutie is also the same, but not for the same reason. cutie is the BIGGEST people watcher (and listener) and likes to sit back and observe how people react and move, not in a creepy way tho 😭just so they can get a gist of how they should respond and what to be mindful of

⋅ cutie HATESSS conflict, in any way. confrontation, fighting, awkward tension, hates it with a passion. which is a continuation of the last hc, they read peoples’ minds so much so they don’t have to ever deal with accidentally confusing or offending someone

⋅ geordi has the softest hands known to man, but they get sweaty easily, which is something he hates, i just KNOW this mf hates sweat. the feeling of it, skin on skin. which is one of the reasons he doesn’t like running

⋅ cutie and geordi have nights where they will binge one of their childhood shows, snuggled up in a weighted blanket (they both fall asleep within 15-20 mins 🫶🏾)

⋅ geordi’s personality gives off “mama’s boy” vibes but is actually closer with his dad, mostly because he n his mom held different viewpoints

⋅ geordi also has scars from his childhood from random times he was clumsy asf 💀he isn’t ever really insecure about it, but he’s never felt better about them until cutie started kissing each one and giving him compliments

⋅ cutie specifically gets lipstick only to cover geordi’s face in lipstick stains (like that one tiktok trend), but instead of posting it, they make it their home screen. geordi’s cute ass smile, lips n the rest of his face covered in red stains in the shape of cutie’s lips. UGHH i hate them

⋅ geordi gets lost in ikea very often

⋅ he also loves the kitchen sets and stays there for an abundance of time analyzing each parts (so real)

⋅ their first kiss as a couple was so awkward 😭geordi was trying to plan out how it would happen but after cutie kissed him on the lips without warning, he forgot how to function n just stood there. cutie literally heard his mind go blank, and it was like that for a couple of seconds. it was cute but actually so awkward for both of them (and geordi hates when cutie brings it up)

⋅ geordi had (and still has) lego sets as a kid and never let them go, nd he accidentally bring it up in a convo between them and now cutie helps build them with him

⋅ geordi’s body is naturally very warm, so when they cuddle in the spring/summer, they have to have thinner bed sheets n blankets so they both don’t wake up in sweat 💀

⋅ cutie does not want geordi meeting their family/parent(s), and not because they’re ashamed of geordi, because they never could be (who tf would??). but because they don’t have a good relationship with them

⋅ i feel like geordi moved a lot when he was younger, so he had trouble making friends n mostly stayed to himself, until he finally got to settle down in college nd met guy, which is still his bestfriend to this day

⋅ cutie had issues fitting in with others when they were younger, nd its a popular headcanon that they got their powers late (i think 😭), so when they started reading people's minds, they began to change in order to maintain friends

⋅ i genuinely can’t pick between if cutie and geordi would’ve meet in college/high school, but if they did, i feel like cutie probably changed their appearance A LOTT like they weren’t recognizable at first when geordi saw them at the park

⋅ geordi is CRAZYY good at math (i also don’t know if he’s a teacher or an accountant (in the recent audio)) (if he is a teacher, he’d be either a math or english teacher, ik it’s basic but 🤷🏾‍♀️)

[minggukieology]

So I have a question that requires an open mind and perhaps a “tin hat”. I was reading about Jimin referencing 2315 during PTD so I looked at dates. This is a reach.., but.. well here goes, lol.

If you calculate the number of days between Nov 8, 2015 and Feb 1, 2023 -excluding both Nov 8th and Feb 1st, it equals 2641 which added together is 13 :) Not sure if that is how date the calculations are done? Do you omit the starting and ending dates when calculating anniversaries etc?

Coincidence most definitely? Or not? If I did the calculations correctly, a nice coincidence?

Hi there! Thanks for your message.

First off, let me start by being very honest and saying I don't personally entertain this type of narrative no matter who it is done by and who it is about. Seeing some meaning in a set of numbers and then proceeding to throw random ones into the mix just so that they fit into your own presumed context is hitting QAnon level of conspiracy thinking. Alas you admit it yourself, yet proceed to pull strings from all possible corners to arrive at any satisfying (to you) conclusion. That being said if it makes sense to you and makes you happy, go ahead and enjoy it. But from my point of view, you just wrote a bunch of numbers and dates and drew connections that are void of reason.

Anyways to add a bit more cultural context, yes numbers and dates are important in Korean culture, esp when it comes to dating life, fortune etc. Korean couples celebrate their 100/×00th day anniversary, their yearly anniversary, their 1000th day anniversary; Peppero day, Valentines day, White day etc those are also all important in dating culture. So, yes counting days from when the couple officially got together is also a thing. To add, it is typically a young people thing, as they are prone to follow trends and show off their couple looks and gifts etc.

In context of BTS or specifically now Jimin and Jungkook, 13 has been mentioned a lot and yes there is a signifance for this number that is justified and logical, as they themselves referred to it on multiple occasions and emphasized its significance. It is also justified and logical to ascribe meaning to different dates that were pronounced and even mentioned by them, such as "Jimin day" or "Jungkook day." Similarly, we also have 지민+시 = 지민시 (Jimin+si) as 10:13 Jimin o'clock. However, anything beyond that is just fanmade narratives. And yes, I am fully aware a lot of those narratives come from Korean fans. But it is important to emphasize they are also just fans. Meanwhile the fandom might feel like their cultural background gives legitimacy to whatever they say and whatever patterns they see, they are no less prone to cognitive dissonance and logical fallacies as any other group of fans or group of people really.

This is now a whole meta discourse that could be dissected in pages and pages. But to sum up, I don't look for hidden meanings in the dates of their posts, and especially not the hour and the minute they post at, or try to analyze numbers they mention (in my opinion) pretty randomly (and even if not by random, anything that is not given context by them is just pure speculation, fantasy)

Once again, this egregiously long reply might feel like sort of an attack so let me reiterate: if these types of posts, theories, coincidences bring you joy, go ahead and indulge in them (I myself do sometimes as well)!! but please don't get too lost in the sauce. I understand, many jikookers are set out to *always* find some kind of connection or link in between Jimin and Jungkook even in completely unrelated scenarios, but make sure to be aware of this echo chamber and think critically.

(sidenote: I apologize if I am missing some obvious connotation that has sprung up on Twitter or some other corner of the Internet recently, I am not so active within the fandom anymore)

[tamamonomaes]

This is not intendend to be a go at anyone, more so me just sharing my thoughts as a friendly debate but. While I get people's criticisms of zero, I really do, as a women myself, the whole women get hurt thing has just never bothered me because everyone gets hurt. There's some fair criticism in the misogynistic thing -- the thing I thought was a bit misogynistic about Zero was how every woman was ultimately a tool for a man's goal. Iri being the grail that Kerry has to use to achieve his own ideals, Rin and Sakura being tools for their respective families, Saber being powerful yet forced into a situation with very little agency and a lot of her personality being removed to win the grail for kiritsugu, Maiya straight up devoting herself to kiritsugu's goals -- when she's injured Kirutsugu straight up asks when he can "use" her again. Sola ui had potential for agency but unfortunately that was taken from her very quickly and her agency revolved around a man anyway. So yeah, it's not like FZ is ideal when it comes to female characters, but lots of anime have that problem. I just dont think "women get hurt" has any merit. Like when you think about it, Sakura's, Saber's, Iryisviel and even Rin's fates in fz were all decided by Nasu and I dont see people calling him a misogynist. Yes, Urobochi wrote the scenario how they got there but ultimately it was nasu who doomed them from the start. From a writing perspective, it just makes sense that FZ would end in failure for the characters so that there would be a reason for people to come back to fsn. They want people to see these characters succeed and be happy and having fz end in failure for them adds more stakes to the journey there, it makes you feel like these characters CAN fail. I don't know what Urobochi had planned for Sakura, but at the end of the day this is all fictional. If you're going to acknowledge that what he planned was bad you also have to acknowledge that the suffering Nasu put her through was also terrible. Yeah maybe he gets a little lost in the suffering sauce, maybe you can notice a trend if you examine all his works, but isolating fz zero alone, I just don't think Urobochi is a bad person for writing FICTIONAL scenarios. All writers put their characters through shit and if we take heavens feel into account, we KNOW that sakura can have her happy ending.

[i-know-what-yall-want]

Levi loses a bet Part 1

So, I always wanted Levi in a maid outfit ever since the trend started and, well, he's an otaku.

So, disclaimers: Dom MC, Genderneutral MC, sexual suggestions

This is a plot leading to when the reader...ahem...does the dirty with Levi, so there will be some explicit or suggestive stuff but it won't actually include the...naughties...with Levi, that'll be Part 2

Anywhoooooo, onto Levi. Sorry in advance with any grammar or spelling mistakes :/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It all started with, well, a bet. You always wanted to see Levi in a maid outfit, it was always a thing in the anime you two watched together that girls would wear maid outfits, you can't help that you were curious about how it would look on Levi, especially since he liked the girls in their outfits so much, and well, it's a trend so he could get some internet like if he did wear one. But enough with that, let's watch Mammon at the casino. Mammon had invited (well, forced, after all, he's your first, who are you to deny him?) you to be with him at the casino, and well, Levi, being the avatar of Envy, had to make sure he tagged along, no matter how much he hated going outside his room. "No way! I'm only taking MC!" "I'm their boyfriend so I'm coming!" While they were bickering, Levi had stepped in front of you to get into Mammon's face. This wasn't going to go anywhere, it would be the next day at this rate, it's like you have to solve all their disagreements. You got close and whispered a possible solution to get Levi what he wanted, "Forgive his debt." Levi hesitated but took your idea, "I'll forgive a portion of your debt if you stop trying to stop me!" Mammon hesitated, "Like...how much are we talkin' here?" "10%" "No way!" Soon Mammon haggled it to be 25%. "Alright, I'll let ya come, but this is a formal casino, I had ta get MC to buy me this suit so now I gotta pay ‘em back with my winnin's, ya can't show up like that or you'll get laughed outta there." Levi nodded and ran off to his room, you giving a pat to his ass on the way out. So, that's how you got here, Levi in the suit he so rarely wears, and Mammon leading you two to the first game he wanted to play. "I bet he won't be able to pay back a single penny that he owes you for that suit." "Are you jealous I took him out for that suit?" "No!" You thought for a moment, caving in, "Alright, if he is able to pay back a single scent by the end of the night, I win. As for the stakes..." you pulled Levi close to you, whispering to him once again, this time with some more...malicious intentions, "I want you to wear a maid outfit for an entire day, call me master, and actually get into character, date of my choosing." His face went red, he's always wanted to try it, to be honest, but he'd be embarrassed if he got caught with a maid outfit in his possession, now he would have an excuse. "T-that seems way too embarrassing!" "Even when you have the option to ask anything you want of me?" Anything he wanted...anything at all. He went quiet, mumbling something you couldn't hear as he looked away from you. "I'm sorry Levi-chan, what was that?" God he hated when you called him that, but loved it. "I-I want you to let me dom, at least once. I always sub and...I want to try it, S-senpai." Truth was he could've just asked if he wanted to dom you, but if it'll give you the chance to see him in a maid outfit, "Deal, now let's go catch up to Mammon." At the end of the night, Mammon ended up only keeping some of his winnings, losing a ton in blackjack before you three, or rather, him, but you and Levi tagged along since you felt bad, got kicked out for causing a scene. Mammon was grumbling when you reminded him to pay you back for his suit, "But I was only able to keep 50 grimm!" "Pay me what you have." It was an order, bet he was regretting being your first demon now. But you didn't care about getting completely payed, you just wanted to thumb through the cash in front of Levi to tease him. The maid outfit was coming tomorrow. ~ {A text conversation with Levi} (Levi, what are you doing tomorrow?)- -(I've got a gaming convention tomorrow, I was just about to invite you.) (Tomorrow you're wearing the outfit.)- -(WHAT?!) (Yeah, it just arrived. No complaining, you better be a good little maid.)- -(*insert scared puppy sticker here but I'm too lazy to actually find a software where I can do a texting story so deal with it*) ~ First thing in the morning, before even going downstairs for breakfast, you went to check on Levi. You woke up especially early to make sure he obeyed you, sure enough, you walked in and he was looking at himself in the mirror. "Well hello, how is my maid?" He jumped and turned around looking at you. "I-I'm not so sure about this." Wow, you had to double-take, were you dreaming? God, not that God hasn't given up on you as soon as you started dating this demon, but God, Levi just looked so...perfect. The black buckled shoes with those thigh high socks, that apron, the hairpiece, Jesus Christ he even had gloves that laced at the wrist. "You know, you could get a lot of internet likes if you posted yourself wearing this." "No! That'll be way to embarrassing!" "Sure, anyways, accompany your master to breakfast." You reminded him, in a roundabout way, to get into character. You could see he was embarrassed, but you couldn't help but tease him a little more, "I could dress as your master if it'll help.” "No, that'll make it worse." He pouted, but walking over to you. "Let's go eat breakfast...Master." ~ Once you walked downstairs, the brothers all had different reactions. Mammon pointed at Levi, "BAHAHAHA, LOOK AT HIM!" Belphegor...wasn't there, but he'd probably complain Mammon was too loud but snort at how Levi looked. Asmo giggled, "Levi finally jumped on the trend! This'll definitely get some likes on Devilgram!" Satan widened his eyes but looked away, sipping on his tea, it was too early for this shit. Beel...well he was trying to hold himself back from stealing Levi's food, he'll need his strength for whatever you've got planned for him. Lucifer looked at Levi, then to you, "M-MC, just what is Leviathan wearing?" "Leviathan is my maid, obviously!" "I lost a bet, okay?!" Breakfast went by with Mammon almost getting away with teasing Leviathan, but you are always there to protect Leviathan, when he didn't deserve the teasing that is. "Mammon, I've got a second maid outfit I can have you wear for a week in order to forgive you for not paying me back for the suit." "What?! Why do ya got two of those?! And why in my size?!" "It was a two for one sale, and I had a feeling you would try to make fun of my maid. But, if you want your debt forgiven, you can make sure that Levi isn't teased at school when I'm not with him." No one could tease Levi except you. "For real?! My debt forgiven for the suit?!" "All debt to me, I can't have my Levi getting his gloves dirty with blood." Leviathan was embarrassed, but grateful you got Mammon to shut up and gained a protector. ~ School was great, Leviathan really got into his role, carrying your things along with his to your classes together, and even when you had different classes, though he did have to his sprint to his own class at those moments. He even brought you your lunch and found a better seat than your normal one with the brothers and the fellow exchange students. It was a new side of him, and you loved it. "Levi, will you feed me my food? My wrist is so sore from writing today." You were going to milk this for as long as possible, huh? "Y-yes, master," face beet red, he took a scoop of some apple sauce or something (man what do I know about what they serve in the Devildom for humans?) and held it up to your mouth, using the other hand to make sure nothing fell off onto the floor. After feeding you, he wiped your mouth unprompted. "Aw, you're doing such a good job, little maid, come here." You gave him a hug and pat his head, you weren't sure if you could hold back for much longer, let's hope so. “No one tried to pick on you, right?”

“No, Master, at least not without Mammon beating them up. That scum can at least do a job when he’s promised that some debt will be forgiven.”

“That’s good. Now, little maid, let’s finish our lunch.”

~ After school, it was straight to getting ready for the gaming convention. Levi was just about to change, when you stopped him, "Just what do you think you're doing?" "I'm...getting ready for the convention?" "Did you have a cosplay planned?" "Not really... I wanted to cosplay but didn't want to risk showing up those other cosplayers and people wanting to take pictures with me, I didn't want to end up having to talk to people. I was just going to go to get some discounts on some games that were going to get announced at the last convention before it got rescheduled." (Quarantine vibes) "Then you'll go as my maid, you can say you're cosplaying." "What?! That's not even in the games I play...minus dating sims." "Well, some gamers are also dressing up as maids, I'm sure you won't stand out too much. I'll go get on what I wore to that casino so I can be your master, we can still act like it's from an old game or something." "F-fine, only because I might not be the only one.” Well, he wasn't the only one, but any other boys in maid outfits were still a little bit rare, especially those who were alone and didn't have a whole group dressed up as maids. "MC...I'm embarrassed." Levi tugged on your arm, looking at you desperately, holding back your urges was getting harder. "Well, you've been embarrassed this whole day, you must be really embarrassed for you to be saying it out loud, and you forgot that I'm your master." Levi widened his eyes, shutting up. Jeez the bathrooms were all crowded, and there were no single stall bathrooms anywhere. "Did you get and do everything you wanted?" "I want to still stay until the show where they announce some new games that weren't sold today." DAMMIT! Fine, if it's for him, fine, you can bare a couple more hours, but the aching between your legs is beginning to get annoying. Once this show is over, your taking Levi home and going to make sure he won't forget to call you master.

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Well, hoped you liked it, I did my best to make sure the reader was gender neutral this is my first fic so go easy on me :) I'm an author in more than just fan fic so I tend to be descriptive, I only realized halfway through writing this that I probably need to put it into two parts. I'm not great with tumblr mechanics so I did my best. Anywho, it's 2:35am haha...I need to sleep, hope you enjoyed.

Read Part 2

[englishchinesetranslations]

Since she began posting rustic-chic videos of her life in rural Sichuan province in 2016, Li Ziqi, 29, has become one of China’s biggest social media stars. She has 22 million followers on the microblogging site Weibo, 34 million on Douyin (China’s version of TikTok) and another 8.3 million on YouTube (Li has been active on YouTube for the last two years, despite it being officially blocked in China).

Li’s videos – which she initially produced by herself and now makes with a small team – emphasize beautiful countryside and ancient tradition. In videos soundtracked by tranquil flute music, Li crafts her own furniture out of bamboo and dyes her clothing with fruit skins. If she wants soy sauce, she grows the soybeans themselves; a video about making an egg yolk dish starts with her hatching ducklings. The meals she creates are often elaborate demonstrations of how many delicious things can be done with a particular seasonal ingredient, like ginger or green plums.

There is even a Li Ziqi online shop, where fans can purchase versions of the steel “chopper” knife she uses to dice the vegetables she plucks from her plentiful garden, or replicas of the old-fashioned shirts she wears while foraging for wild mushrooms and magnolia blossoms in the misty mountainside.

While she occasionally reveals a behind-the-scenes peek at her process, Li – who did not respond to interview requests for this article – is very private. By all accounts, she struggled to find steady work in a city before returning to the countryside to care for her ailing grandmother (who appears in her videos).

Recently, Li has been thrust into a wider spotlight by the Chinese government, who seem to have realized her soft power potential. In 2018, the Communist party of China named her a “good young netizen” and role model for Chinese youth. In September 2019, the People’s Daily, a CPC mouthpiece, gave Li their “People’s Choice” award, while last month, state media praised Li for helping to promote traditional culture globally, and the Communist Youth League named her an ambassador of a program promoting the economic empowerment of rural youth.

Revealed: how TikTok censors videos that do not please Beijing Read more

As the government increasingly champions her, Chinese citizens have taken to Weibo to question whether Li’s polished, rather one-dimensional portrayal of farm work conveys anything truly meaningful about contemporary China – especially to her growing international audience on YouTube.

They have a point: Li’s videos reveal as much about the day-to-day labor of most Chinese farmers as the Martha Stewart Show does the American working class. As Li Bochun, director of Beijing-based Chinese Culture Rejuvenation Research Institute told the media last month: “The traditional lifestyle Li Ziqi presents in her videos is … not widely followed.”

In reality, many of China’s rural villages have shrunk or disappeared completely in past decades as the nation prioritized urbanization and workers migrated to cities, with research suggesting the country lost 245 rural villages a day from 2000 to 2010. The 40% of China’s population still living in rural areas encompass a huge diversity of experience, yet life can be difficult, with per-capita rural income declining sharply since 2014 and environmental pollution often as rife as in industrial centers. That’s not to say the beautiful forests and compelling traditions of Li’s videos are not genuine – like many social media creators, she simply focuses on the most charming elements of a bigger picture.

So what do Li’s videos reflect about modern China, if not average daily life in the countryside?

For one, they say something about the mindset of her mainland audience – primarily urban millennials, for whom a traditional culture craze known as “fugu” or “hanfu” has been an aesthetic trend for a number of years.

“Fugu”, according to Yang Chunmei, professor of Chinese history and philosophy at Qufu Normal University, reflects the “romanticized, pastoral” desires of youth “disillusioned by today’s ever-changing, industrial, consumerist society.” In practice, it looks like young people integrating more traditional clothing into their daily looks, watching historical dramas and following rural lifestyle influencers like Li. (While Li is an extremely popular example of the trend, she’s not the only young farmer vlogging in China right now, and outdoor cooking videos of people making meals with wild ingredients and scant equipment are a genre of their own on Douyin.)

Among urban millennials in the west, giving up the nine-to-five grind and living humbly and closer to nature is a popular dream. In China, the contemporary experience of burnout is compounded by the intensity of “urban disease”, an umbrella term for the difficulties of living in megacities like Shanghai or Guangzhou, which can be used to refer to everything from traffic jams and poor air quality to employment and housing scarcity.

Also at play in Li’s popularity is the particular tenor of Chinese wistfulness. ��It’s called xiangchou. Xiang means the countryside or rural life, and chou means to long for it, to miss it,” says Linda Qian, an Oxford University PhD candidate studying nostalgia’s role in the revitalization of China’s villages.

“It is quite prevalent for youth living the city life. They get really sick of [the city] so the countryside” – or a fantasy of it – “looks increasingly like the ideal image of what a good life should be.”

Qian also likens Li’s appeal to that of “Man vs Wild”-style entertainment in the west. “We’ve gotten to a certain point of materialism and consumption where there’s only so much you can buy, and we’re like, ‘What other experiences can I have?’” she says. “So we go back to what humans can do.”

Yet as her fame grows internationally, some have questioned, in comments, blogposts and Reddit threads, whether Li’s channel is communist propaganda.

In addition to providing China a form of international PR, Li embodies a kind of rural success the government hopes to generate more of through recent initiatives. With the aim of alleviating rural poverty, the Communist Youth League has embarked on an effort to send more than 10 million urban youth to “rural zones” by 2022, in order to “increase their skills, spread civilization, and promote science and technology”.

“We need young people to use science and technology to help the countryside innovate its traditional development models,” Zhang Linbin, deputy head of a township in central Hunan province, told the Global Times last April.

By using technology to create her own rural economic opportunities while simultaneously championing forms of traditional Chinese culture before a huge audience, Li may seem like a CPC dream come true.

According to Professor Ka-Ming Wu, a cultural anthropologist at the Chinese University of Hong Kong: “Li represents a new wave of Chinese soft power in that she’s so creative and aesthetically good, and knows how to appeal to a general audience whether they’re Chinese or not.” And yet, “I don’t think this is some kind of engineered effort by the Chinese state,” she says.

Li’s narrative hinges on her failure to thrive in the city; that failure is antithetical to China’s overarching narrative of progress and urban opportunity. Were she a manufactured agent of propaganda, Wu speculates, “[Her failure] is something the Chinese state would never even mention.

“And I think that’s what really fuels her popularity,” says Wu. “That despair of not being able to find oneself in the ‘Chinese dream’. I don’t think she’s propaganda because one of her major successes is that she’s making that failure highly aesthetic … However, the Chinese government is very smart to appropriate her work and say that she represents traditional culture and promote her.”

According to some Chinese media, Li’s content is better than propaganda – doing more to generate genuine domestic, and especially international, interest in rural Chinese traditions than any government initiative of the past decade. “Dozens of government departments with billions at their disposal spent 10 years on propaganda projects, but they have done a worse job than a little girl,” writes the South China Morning Post’s Chauncey Jung, summarizing a tweet from journalist Jasper Jia.

However you feel about Li as a cultural force, her ability to flourish despite a unique set of contradictory circumstances is impressive. Out of the past and present, failure and success, independence and authoritarianism, she’s spun a truly pleasant vision. If only life was really so simple.

[keyofjetwolf]

@silvermoon424​ I’m certainly happy to try! I’m going to guess you won’t enjoy the answer too much, though. I don’t have any secret or trick, you know? I WISH I DID. All I really have to share is what you’ve probably already heard: eat better, move more.

But I can break down a few things I’ve figured out, going through this. Things that you can do without a tiny furious lesbian nipping at your heels, insisting you Not Die. THOUGH IF YOU HAVE ACCESS TO THAT I DO RECOMMEND TAKING ADVANTAGE**

1. I think the most important first step is really commit to it. It sucks a lot, and it's not always easy, but if you don't sincerely want the results, you won't be able to power through the spots where it's hard.

2. You have to hold yourself accountable. A huge part of that is making yourself take note of and record what you're eating. It's one thing to grab a chocolate bar and eat it and forget about it, but it's another when you have to pull out your notebook and find the calories and factor in the serving size and write it down where you have to see it there looking back at you. We already know we shouldn't be doing it. Making it real and tangible in a way where you can't just put it out of mind can really hold your feet to the fire.

3. Don't have it around! Seriously, this one has helped me so much. Just don't have it! You know your weak spots (and if you don't, you'll soon discover them), you know the things you just want to grab out of the fridge or the cupboard. You can't do it if it's not there, bottom line. We don't keep jars of peanut butter in the house anymore (or at least not where I see them.) Hubby and I both cut out chips entirely. That isn't to say you can't ever have those things again, you just have to plan for them, and ensure you only have what you plan for. For example, the other night we were all on our own for dinner. I was deeply craving this particular brand of pretzel stick they have up here. So I saved my calories for the day, went to the store, bought the small bag, measured out and weighed the appropriate amount (turns out it was the whole bag, which was a pleasant delight, but if it hadn't been, I would've immediately given Doc what was over), and had those with some turkey. There wasn't anything about that meal that was HEALTHY, really, but because it's not my every day, and I planned it out and didn't exceed what I was allowed, it was completely fine. So if you have just a bone-deep craving for a doughnut, budget it in your calorie allotment for that day, and go get JUST what you're allowed. If you can only buy it in a quantity over what you’re allowed, buy the smallest you can and throw out or give away the rest. IMMEDIATELY, not the "I'll do it later" thing where it hangs around the house and then oops, it’s somehow magically gone. Set yourself up for success, not failure. Don't keep around what you know is a temptation.

4. Resolve with yourself that you'll be eating some stuff you don't much like. It sucks, but then, so does diabetes. In that vein though, you may find that after you've had it a few times, and your expectations realign, you like it more than you thought. You might even come to enjoy it! You have to persevere with it, though. Still, you may never like it! OH WELL. Consider how much more you'll like multiple daily injections of very expensive insulin and an even more restrictive diet which I guarantee will be full of shit you don't like. Eat the broccoli or die, right? Suddenly, broccoli doesn't seem so bad. (I actually really like broccoli, sorry, to pick on you, broccoli.) Honestly, many vegetables are pretty great, just most people don't prepare them right. Seasoning and roasting them is the way to go, which Holligay has repeatedly proven.

5. Portion control is a big factor. WEIGH AND MEASURE EVERYTHING. Don’t eyeball that shit, your senses are weak and will lie to you. Also -- and this may seem weird, but go with me -- check the size of your plates and bowls and shit. Again, our eyes are liars. The same amount of food looks very different depending on what size plate it’s on. The bigger stuff completely skews our perception of what a serving should look like. Get smaller plates.

6. This one may be a real toughie depending on your personal habits, but eating in front of screens is a path to madness. There's study after study after study showing that eating while watching TV or being on your computer takes you out of being mindful of what and how much you're eating. Sit at a table and focus on your meal! You’ll eat more slowly, and so recognize when you’re full. And the food tastes better when it’s your main focus, so you’ll be more satisfied, too. I’M NOT MAKING IT UP TRY IT

What you may notice here is an absence on the WHAT of what you should eat. That’s important too, to be sure, but I think that’s the part that’s a bit easier to start working in. There are tons of healthy, tasty recipes out there, but it’s the behavioural stuff that is, I think, the key to change.

And you can start today! Right now! Clearing your home of your temptations is a great huge first step. And don't do the "this bag is nearly full, what a waste, I'll just finish this up" thing. The money's spent, there's no reason to continue to do damage. (Or hide a reluctance to make the change under a convenient excuse.) It's garbage calories, it's deep fried air, it's frozen sugar, it tastes good but is killing you. Get rid of it.

If you’re of the snacking/grazing bent (I’m generally not, but I get those that are), buy snap peas, baby carrots, cherry tomatoes. Get some soy sauce. Dip and eat away! I think you'll soon find that if you're not hungry enough to snack on those? You weren't really all that hungry.

And combine all this with moving, too! Get yourself a step tracker. An ACTUAL step tracker, not your smart watch, which counts every twitch of your wrist as a step you most assuredly did not take. I’m currently using and recommend the FitBit Inspire, clipped to my bra. At my worst/highest points, I sometimes wouldn’t take more than about a thousand steps a day. SERIOUSLY. Again, having something to put these abstract ideas into harsh numbers is a great motivator. And you don’t even have to go outside! ON A HOT DAY I HAVE WALKED MILES IN A CIRCLE IN MY LIVING ROOM. I don’t look cool, but I DO meet my step goal for the day.

You may notice a numbers theme here, but weigh yourself. Keep track! I use a Renpho scale, which connects to an app on my phone and automatically logs my weight, AND I can sync it with my FitBit, so all my precious precious data is in one place. Now maybe you’re not such a nerd for data as I am (YOU’D HAVE TO BE REALLY REALLY NERDY), but again, it takes something abstract and nebulous and gives it to you in a way that our monkey brains understand. Making all this real to you is a huge part of putting the consideration for it in your brain. It’s not gonna be fun. There’s a lot of numbers you’re REALLY not going to like to see. But you have to know where you’re at to know where to go. And when those numbers turn into trends, and those trends start to show you real, concrete progress? Feels good. Feels real good.

Yeah, so! It’s a lot of words, and there’s a huge chance none of them are what you were hoping for. I wish I had something more neat and easy, but it’s just this. Commitment. Accountability. DATA SUCH HATEFUL WONDERFUL DATA

Best of luck!

(**) All joking aside, I’m incredibly fortunate to have Doc. As I think I’ve said before, when she heard about the pre-diabetes, she said “Okay, we’re done with this” and THAT VERY DAY laid out changes. She’s always ready with a foot in my ass. Also, as our family chef, she’s consistently in charge of my meals, which means I’m lucky enough to not need to think about it. MUCH LIKE A PUPPY I JUST EAT WHAT GOES IN MY BOWL. So if you have help and support available to you, take it.

The most important part, though, is you. However much help I have, I have to keep up my end, too. About eighteen months ago, I was SO CLOSE to a major goal, but ignored my depression and stopped caring and everything backslid terribly. I’m still working to regain all that lost ground. My point being, the number one vital element in making real change in you is YOU. Once you’re set there, the rest is details.

[wickedlehane]

🍉 / 🥕 / 🥔 - give us that jam discourse

MUNDAY MEME

🍉 - If you considered a time travel thread, when would your muse go?

Faith would absolutely try to go back in time, knowing what she knows now, and save her first watcher from Kakistos. I think that’s a showdown that haunts her more than any, and could save a lot of heartache in the long run. Otherwise, she doesn’t really truck with time travel stuff- it doesn’t go so well in the movies.

🥕 - What do you think about the current theme trends?

Bruh I got a full time job writing and I’m writing as a paid side hustle too, I personally don’t have time to worry about themes. Everyone who makes custom themes and PSDs is so wildly talented, but I will admit some formatting and difficult to navigate blog themes get a little lost in the sauce for me to comprehend quickly. I come from the 2012 cringe era of massive fucking GIFs and ill-sized icons but at the end of the day I need to be able to see and connect with the writing and the person behind the words.

Do your thing, baby smurf.

🥔 - What’s the dumbest mistake you’ve made in rp?

Allowing myself to stay too close to toxic people for too long, allowing myself to compromise my own enjoyment of the craft over the years. 

Also from a technical standpoint, making a female OC who was abrasive and mean IC because it led to me getting run out of a group because they couldn’t separate mun and muse and they called me all manner of hateful things because??? my character??? wasn’t an agreeable bunny??

(for context she was a Marvel Asgardian OC who had disdain for mortals??? but y’all know me I’m a pussycat OOC so it was woof. getting attacked for not having a nice submissive female OC lmao burn me at the stake I guess)

[bronanlynch]

weekly-ish media roundup (I’ve really gotta pick a consistent day for these but unfortunately the days of the week have kind of lost meaning for me, the only time passing I’m aware of is when it’s my turn to cook dinner. it’s been that kind of whatever length of time, y’know?)

listening: since sea shanties are apparently the hot new trend, please appreciate my two favorite variations on Drunken Sailor: Drunken Whaler (from the Dishonored soundtrack), which I love for how incredibly creepy it is, both in sound and lyrics, and Drunk Space Pirate by The Mechanisms, which just absolutely fucking slaps, wow I love The Mechs (sidenote: this recording is from their last-ever liveshow, and I am personally very sad I got into them just too late to ever see them live). whenever I have Drunken Sailor stuck in my head it’s usually some awful mashup of all three versions like. what do we do with a drunk space pirate? feed him to the hungry rats for dinner!

reading: Drowned God by R.F. Kuang (short story about one of the characters of the Poppy War series, which is extremely good like. political intrigue military fantasy, except I know when I say that most people probably imagine some grimdark white dude bullshit but no! this is not that! this is really fucking good and everything the genre can and should be!) it’s a very good short story and it did make me very sad, and also gave me lots of feelings about, specifically, one of the best m/f ships I’ve ever been convinced to care about. love a school rivals to reluctant allies to battle couple to enemies to reluctant allies again to maybe lovers to enemies again. it’s very tasty.

also, The City Unbreachable by Yoon Ha Lee (from the f/f anthology Silk and Steel) which has some incredibly intriguing sci-fi worldbuilding about sentient spaceship-cities and the societies on them and the people who are bonded with them

watching: Rowan Ellis, a video essayist I vaguely follow, made a video about Black Sails, specifically comparing the endings of Black Sails and Game of Thrones to explain like. why the Game of Thrones ending didn’t work, which is a niche that appeals to my personal interests, because when the whole self-congratulatory “storytellers are the most important people ever actually please give us awards” speech in the GoT finale started I was like. you’re not Black Sails you didn’t earn this shut the fuck up. so it’s satisfying to see someone else with an actual platform make those same points.

I don’t agree with everything she says, obviously, because I am opinionated and contrary but I like the way she analyzes things and I do think she makes lots of good points and uses lots of good examples. however, I do find it kinda disappointing that literally everyone who talks about Black Sails in any kind of serious journalistic way talks down the first season. she doesn’t do it as much as most people but I think that season 1 is good and everyone is just unfairly comparing it to season 2, the best season of television ever created, so of course anything else isn’t gonna look great by comparison. like, I do dislike the sexual assault plotline but aside from that, it’s really good?? literally the first episode has the “civilization (derogatory) needs gossip because it reinforces shame” speech. the “and they called me a monster” Moment and Flint’s Odysseus monologue are both season 1! the Max/Eleanor relationship and breakup that underscore the main themes of the show is season 1! season 1 is really good!

playing: more Knife of Dunwall, to the surprise of absolutely no one. I think last time I did one of these I was still stuck in the first mission because turns out sabotaging a factory is hard if you don’t pay for the favor that turns off the alarms, which I didn’t because I spent all my money on sleepdarts and elixirs. I changed my mind about doing the sabotage because I kept getting spotted, but when I went back to find the capitalist who owned the factory so that I could uh. torture the information out of him because that’s the low chaos option apparently, the labor organizer who I’d rescued had killed him. thanks Abigale. you’re so valid but you made my life so much harder. my expert strategy for getting through that level is that you knock everyone out before you fuck with any of the valves, so that when the alarms go off there’s hardly anyone left awake to come after you. also, move all the bodies away from the valves so they don’t die in the explosion. if you still care about getting low chaos despite picking the incredibly high chaos option. which I do lol. but it paid off, I barely killed anyone, I’m still at low chaos, everything is fine except that Billie made fun of me for setting off the alarms because Knife of Dunwall is a game about being disrespected by your own daughter.

anyway. I’m partway through the second mission now so. we’ll see how that goes

making: one of my roommates and I made pierogi from scratch last night which Imo is a little too labor-intensive to be worth it considering that you can also just buy pre-made ones and all you have to do is fry them. but it’s a cool thing to have done.

the thing I actually want to talk about is the lasagna we made today, or like. more generally the red sauce I make from scratch whenever we do pasta with red sauce, because I do not care for store-bought marinara on account of chunks of tomato are not a good texture for me. all of the sauce recipes including the lasagna recipe say to add crushed and/or diced tomato, and one of my favorite things about adulthood is that if you don’t like something, you don’t have to cook with it! so I can ignore those parts of the recipes! I do not actually have a recipe for the sauce the way I make it because I strongly believe that herbs and spices and garlic are measured with the heart, but trust me when I say it fucking slaps.

there’s spinach in there so that we, as a household, eat our vegetables, and the meat is ground turkey because I can’t eat beef

writing: mostly, cover letters. also a few fics with deadlines that I can’t talk about much yet because they’re for events, and then I posted a fic for an exchange centered around women in various MXTX works, which is about soft domesticity and I thought turned out pretty well

[lavendertwilight89]

What You Like-- White Day Speical

Hope this makes up for the lack of Valentine’s Post :) 

Thanks go to @keichanz​ for her fic “Selfie” that inspired parts of my fic

@lemonlushff​ @clearwillow​ for hosting White Day!

@dangerouspompadour​ @akitokihojo​ @bearpluscat​ @kaze-ranna​ @xfangheartx​ @sarah-writes-stories​

Enjoyyyyyyy

She awoke with a start. It wasn’t the first time this had happened since she moved out of her family’s shrine. It had only been a month maybe since it had become a permanent move. She got a nearby one-bedroom apartment; she needed her own escape—she meant place! She gathered her surroundings and realized she was completely alone… like usual… until she noticed the sound of running water…

What. The. Fuck. Happened???!? She remembered she hit the sauce pretty hard last night. Last night marked four of the longest years of her life. Four long years without her friends from the other side of the well. Four years without the love of her life. Four years of pure misery… Ugh her head was going to split in two from her careless actions or probably the worst hangover she had ever had…

Since her quick departure from the Feudal Era four years ago, she couldn’t shake her rampant and monstrous dreams. They caused her frequent disruptions throughout the night and drove the need for alcohol (well, to be honest, that wasn’t the only reason for her to start drinking). College had been not the best experience—especially when she had to share a room with a roommate. She knew her dorm mate didn’t care for her; in-regards-to: well-being, modesty, or just all around courtesy. She often had a pillow (sometimes heavier objects) thrown at her if she was screaming or crying in her sleep to wake her up, had her food ate without permission, or had her privacy violated…But the worst thing was—her roommate was what one would have referred to as ‘loose’. And by that, she didn’t care that she entertained men. No, she understood. Your body, your rules. Kagome didn’t care about what or who she did that with… She did, however, care her roommate did it when she was in the same freaking room!!!!

She often had to find refuge in Yuka and Eri’s room. Ayumi had decided to travel abroad her year having taken extended courses in high school of German to prepare her. But their second year, the four of them got a suite style apartment and things worked out better. But the nightmares never faded. She started to sleep with a nightlight, kept her bow close, started drinking before bed... Her friends felt for her, but they had their own lives, their own boyfriends.  They still hadn’t heard the full story of what happened to Inuyasha… They just knew he was gone. They tried to reset her up a couple times with Hojo… But she refused when she knew it was a date-like-thing. She was determined to always wait for Inuyasha to find her. He always found her… He would always come for her…

She could have started screaming because not only did she hear the shower running, but she looked down at herself and she was FUCKING NAKED.  And she was extremely sore down there. FUCK. DAMNIT ALL. UGH. Tears started to form in the corners of her eyes from her own stupidity… Four long years of not ever having a boyfriend, no random make-out sessions or anything… and she lost it on a night she blacked out… Actually, she could kind of visual some of what happened, so not completely blacked out, just some parts were missing… Think! Think how did I let this happen!?!?

 She had been out with the girls and their boyfriends. She didn’t have to work, for once, on the weekend in the Emergency room. She usually was always worked weekend shifts with her being so new and willing—because obviously she didn’t have anything else to do. No boyfriend. She avoided home because of the reminders of her past, didn’t want to be alone in her new apartment... An excuse to avoid people in general… But when her friends called her, she reluctantly agreed as she hadn’t been out with them since graduation…basically a full month ago… whoops…

They had bought her shots all evening and kept trying to get her to make a move on Hojo because they knew she was upset about this was year number four without Inuyasha. They were at the newest club down the street from her apartment. They’d made her wear a black pencil skirt and a forest green sleeveless tank, sheer, but she insisted she had a black camisole underneath so no one could see anything inappropriate. She had been nicknamed the prude of the group. She didn’t care though. She didn’t care what anybody thought. She would stay a virgin her whole life if she had to. She would wait for him… Her friends assumed she was just nervous… Pfffft. Don’t get her wrong, she pleasured herself enough at home, but no one excited her. No one sang her that sweet erotic song like the owner of those amber eyes had. Call her prude, nervous about the idea of someone down there, whatever—bottom line was she wasn’t easy. She refused to just sleep with someone who didn’t even appeal to her. Maybe if someone had come along that inspired those feelings… Those wants… But no, no one had. Ever. There was no one who made her feel like that. She was doomed to become the crazy cat lady who fucked herself with her fingers.

But she also reluctantly, refused to give up hope. She could have decided just to more or less poison herself with shot after shot and pray Hojo would finally look okay enough to just ‘bang it out’. But no. Barf. Nope. Sorry, he had been the most boring person she had met. She’d prefer Koga. Koga. Even then, if Koga appeared right there in front of her, she’d still say no. Because it wasn’t him. Still didn’t have that beautiful silver hair that fell to his waist, those sexy little triangles that sat on top of his head, furrowing dark brows, sultry smirk…

After she lost count of shots, she snuck away and paid her tab. She didn’t really remember signing her name or how much she tipped, but that was neither here nor there. She made enough to support herself, her habits, and then some. She dipped out before her friends tried to get her to dance with Hojo. Nothing had ever turned her off less than them dancing together. She’d prefer to dance with her brother. Ok, she admitted, that was kind of crass, but still—that’s what she equated a dance with Hojo with; like her brother trying to make move on her. Barf. Hojo had just become that constant reminder to her how boring her life had become once she returned from the Feudal Era. A reminder of what she really wanted… Oh Gods, she thought she was going to be sick. Nope. Nope. She needed to make it to the apartment.

She walked noisily up the stairs. Staggering around and laughing at herself, she knew she looked like a drunken idiot. The only person who she knew who lived here was Jiro, her across the hall neighbor. She didn’t mind him. He was okay looking. He had black hair, kinda longer than most but wore it in that trending man-bun. He had bright blue eyes. Brighter than Miroku’s. It was weird because he looked similar to her old friend... But he was nice and not at all handsy. He listened to some of her college stories. Listened to her cry. Watched movies with her as she passed out from her drinking too much in an evening. He was nice guy. He never took advantage. But it probably did help she made it clear nothing would EVER happen.

She finally got to the fifth floor (the thought occurred to her why hadn’t she taken the elevator? Oh yea, she couldn’t figure out the buttons hahahaha). And he was standing there. She had to be crazy. It wasn’t him. Demons were gone. They hadn’t been around in ages. She searched, researched, tried to find any clue that they could be around. That he could be around… That they’d just gone into hiding… Nothing… She clearly was delusional at that point. Drunk. Yea, definitely that. She had what… four shots bought for her? No, probably like six…eight? Not including the two drinks she had herself?

But this was the first time she felt like she could actually sense him. His demonic aura… She hadn’t given up all her hopes yet. But she resigned herself and just smiled sadly thinking her mind was playing tricks on her though; it was their four year anniversary of being separated after all.

“Heyyyyy… Why you up so late, Jirooooooo?” She sang drunkenly.

His face changed from sheer awe to confusion. His head titled as she approached him stumbling in her heals. As she watched his ears twitch, wow she had a very active imagination, she tripped and gasped but his arms caught her easily. She giggled and hiccupped turning up to face him.

“Opps, sorry ‘bout that! Probably had like, four too many tonight…I blame the girls though. They bought more than half, said stuff about ‘no pity party’ or sumthin’��” she felt her face heat as his hands didn’t move away nor did he say anything… probably just thought she was being crazy and had been helpless like usual when she was absorbed in her bad influences. She turned away from his chest to the purse in her hands to grab her keys but unfortunately spilled the entire contents onto the floor with only her keys and purse intact.

“Ugh *hiccup*darnnnnnnnn! Jiro, lemme go, I need to pick all this up and climb into bed,” she slurred.

He still didn’t release her and was breathing unsteadily. What had gotten into him? “You’re acting all weird ‘n stuff Jiro, everythin’ ok? I’d ask if you wanna talk but it’s late and I’m pretty sure I’m not gonna remember at this *hiccup* point,” she drowsily turned to face him.

Goddddddddd[AR1] [AR2] . That FACE was still staring back at her with those amber eyes, silver hair, fluffy ears, dark brows, tan skin…

“Uhm… Jiro? I know this sounds kinda crazy… but—you have a different face on ya. For real, I need to go to bed. I’m losin’ my mind.”

“Whose face do I have, Ka-Go-Me?”

Her eyes widen and her breath hitched. She swallowed uneasily. That…that voice… Maybe this was a sign—she should just give into her needs and just fuck this dude already that now took on Inuyasha’s form. For whatever reason, the universe, the Gods, her imagination were finally making her see, hear, smell, and touch “Inuyasha” again… She had refused to entertain those ideas anyway just in case Inuyasha did manage to come along… Well not just because that. The attraction thing was huge. But she hoped if he had lived 500+ years he didn’t wait for her… She just knew his sense of smell would put him off if she fooled around with someone not special to her, but he could probably forgive her for not waiting... Wait—was that why she didn’t find any one attractive? For the off chance he finalllllllllly appeared, he would smell her? What was she saying? Thinking? God, all her thoughts were jumbled. She didn’t need to play counselor to herself right then. Maybe she should’ve just stopped waiting… He was gone… This wasn’t him. No, she couldn’t allow her heart to be shattered again…

“Wh—uhm—” she cleared her throat, blushed having heard her name said like that. It’d been since she started traveling with Inuyasha since her name was pronounced like that. She was beyond flustered. “Ji-Jiro uhm, it’s late, I may be drunk but—but—I’m waiting for someone. If you know what I *hiccup* mean. Go home,” she said flailing her arms towards his apartment.

His eyes softened, “Who are you waiting for?”

He had been acting so weird and clingy! So unusual for him. He would have usually just leave her, let her stumble—he respected her independence. Even though sometimes in the morning she wondered whyyyyyyyy he would have left her in the state she was in. But he remained steadfast—his arms still around her. She figured he could come in for bit… He was always respective… He wouldn’t have tried anything… Grabbing her keys she leaned forward against his chest, resting her head on his shoulder—had he gotten taller?—reaching around him and put them in the door and twisted. Even with heals, she probably would’ve been able to meet his head… He wasn’t that tall… Who knows, she was obliterated. What was she thinking about anyway? His arms slightly increased their pressure around her, and she swore he took a giant whiff of her hair.

“Well come on in; I probably can’t walk anyway without you’re help. The girls thought it’d be ‘sexy’ to wear these disastrous shoes… but I’ll tell you a story Jiro *hiccup*. About the man I fell in love with…that one’s new right? I know I’ve been refusing to share, but I’m probably numb enough to share tonight.”

He bent slightly and picked her up bridal style causing her to shriek a little in startlement and her to wrap her arms around his neck. Wow, his hair was really that long? She wove her fingers through it… Jiro’s hair isn’t this long, there’s no way I’m that creative with my imagination… Nope—nope don’t let your hopes get raised. You’re just crazy. Crazy. Yep. He paused at her ministrations looking down at her as she turned back to face him… Her heart was racing… She swore she saw him eye her lips and lick his briefly but then placed her on the couch gently before turning away. She immediately missed the intimate contact. He returned to the door and picked up all her things from the floor outside putting them back in the bag for her. Dude, he was such a nice guy. She felt bad to burden him with her problems…

He closed the door behind him and stopped midstride having caught an eye of a picture she had by the front door. The picture of her and Inuyasha taking a selfie in the feudal era. Where she was encompassed between his legs smiling radiantly into the camera and he had his handsome cocky smirk on his face. She giggled drawing his attention back towards her.

“That’s the guy you look like right now. Liquor is a cruel bitch like that, I guess. His name is…was… Inuyasha… I met him when I was fifteen… We uh… knew each other for three years. He was in love with someone else, for a while there… but I couldn’t stop how I felt. If anything, the love I had for him just grew stronger. We had so many moments I really thought, ‘he feels the same’… Like one time he made me cold medicine, he had told me he was scared to lose me but that he needed me by his side, different battles, uh, things happened to have those words fall from his stubborn crass mouth, but he’d also give my his haori even if it meant he’d be more vulnerable… Kisses on the cheek…Temple… A couple on the…” she lightly touched her lips remembering the sensation. “I was eighteen when we got separated by time, literally, and I’ve been searching for him since. Today made four years...FOUR. Can you believe that?? But I’m still lookin’. Even though I don’t think I’ll ever find him… I-I…”

He came and sat by her and looked at her worriedly.

“I’m not crazy—not some childish girl lovesick on some crush she had in high school! I love him! It was real! I’ll find him! I’ll prove everyone and even myself wrong! He can’t be gone! He-he can’t…H-he always has come for me…I-I can’t give up on him,” she started crying. Sobbing actually. Hysterically. How embarrassing. God she was pathetic; she’d been so good about keeping her secrets about her broken heart. Her resistance to move on. Her lack of enthusiasm of seeing the people she still had in life. She always just cried and said she didn’t want to talk about it… Jiro never had pried further. But she apparently lost her last shred of dignity and bawled like a child. “You should leave. Please, don’t judge me. Please! I-I can’t lose you as a friend. I lost all my closest friends then too…The ones that mattered. I-I just miss him so much!”

He grabbed her hands from her face and looked into her eyes with those beautiful rich golden eyes…

“Kagome…It is me…I-I’m not Jiro. You aren’t seeing things—it really is me.”

She stared at him disbelievingly. “It-It can’t be…”

“It is though, Kagome. You’re not just seeing things. I’m here! I’m real,” he steered her hands to his ears. Oh God, she swore he started purring as she massaged them.

“It—I—this isn’t possible…”

“I’m sorry it took so long for me to get to you. I tried to find you but the first time I came by you had left for college… I should have just told your mom who I was when I came by, but I didn’t want to distract you from your future or what you wanted… You were still so young and I wanted to give you time to grow still… The next time she said you had gotten a job at a hospital nearby, but you didn’t come by often. She was reluctant to tell me where you live, and I couldn’t blame her for wanting to protect your privacy—but I actually got a call from Jiro before I could actually tell her who I was while I was with her. He was certain it was you. I told her I was a friend of yours and swore everything would make sense after I talked to you… I-I just wanted to make sure you still wanted to see me. To be in my life before I said anything to her, I just had to see you… I came here and I-I found…” he trailed off. This had happened earlier that very day… He had just left her mom’s house and came here. She had unpacked those pictures since she had the time and Jiro came by and had lunch with her. Her mom had called her three times while she was out… and she stupidly ignored all three. He had waited here for her for hours... And found her stumbling up the stairs laughing to herself drunk as fucking skunk. Nope! He wasn’t real! No God was that cruel. He was for sure an illusion.

“No, no, no, no, noooooo….P-Prove it! Prove to me, you are who you say you are then; prove you’re real,” that extra hiccup at the end made her realize how unserious she sounded—but she thought she sounded pretty desperate at least.

He slightly cringed but appeared to be willing to play her little game, “Ok… ask me anything you’d think I wouldn’t be honest about…anything you want…”

“Mk fine I will! *Hiccup* How did we meet?”

He got up and got her a glass of water and returned handing it to her, “You broke the seal on me. The one Kikyo placed…You broke the arrow, and I attacked you for the jewel. The subjugation beads were placed on me and we began to travel together after you shattered the jewel.”

“What about, how did I get back and forth?”

“The stupid fucking well…You came and went to be with your family and for those stupid tests at school…I should’ve smashed that thing when I had the chance before it separated us.”

She blinked… It couldn’t be… There was no way…

“Ki-kyo…” she said brokenly hoping he would know what she was asking.

“Sigh…I know we never really addressed this. Hopefully this will be enough. I loved Kikyo. We both sought each other out on loneliness. The problem was, we didn’t trust each other. She didn’t trust me because of my demonic heritage. She wanted me to become human using the jewel… I hesitated because I wasn’t sure that was something I wanted. But she said as long as the jewel existed, she could only be a shrine maiden. A priestess. She wanted to be ordinary—in order to be a normal woman with a normal life, the jewel had to be used... I agreed, because I was done being alone, and couldn’t take it if she wouldn’t be with me if I was a half-demon… but in the end I didn’t trust her to believe she wouldn’t try to kill me. After all, I was a dirty half-breed. Then I met you; you taught me to trust, work with others, befriend others… care about other people…

“When she was resurrected, I had already started to fall for you. We were beneath that tree in the village when I tried to kiss you and you pushed me away. But with Kikyo back among the living so shortly after that, my duty to avenge her, save her from the person she had become… it was too much. I couldn’t stop myself from falling for you, but I refused to let you know. Because I was stupid, stubborn, afraid you didn’t feel the same. Even once I did hear that you did love me, the idea that anyone I loved died, it drove me away from you… It didn’t stop the little moments between us. I-I couldn’t help it. Knowing you actually did love me… I just—I wanted to wait until it was all over before we could actually figure out what was between us.

“Kikyo will always be my first love; but Kagome, you had always and will always have my heart.” He took her hand and placed it on his chest. Oh Gods… this—this—

“Th-that picture…” she continued. She had to hear more.

“You brought your cell phone back one time and you took pictures with all of us… So that you had something to remember us by just in case…We were awake after the others fell asleep… I asked you for another one to be shot because the other one we had taken before wasn’t good enough. I wanted… I made you believe it was something you wanted, a better picture with just us… We took a couple. The last one I surprised you and kissed you.”

She swallowed. She knew she was going to start crying again. Stupid drunken images. He couldn’t have been real. But it reallllllly seemed like he was. She didn’t normally see him when she was wasted... Even though she really wanted to. She thought it would numb her pain. Make her forget. But there he was—right there in front of her. On her navy couch. Red button-down shirt, grey suit pants, long silver locks uncut, blazing amber eyes… Oh Gods… this wasn’t real… She wouldn’t allow her hopes to be raised. They had been shattered so soooo many times, she couldn’t allow herself to allow the deception in.  

“Where did you find me after the final battle?”

“In the jewel…”

“And we…”

He grabbed her face and kissed her softly which made her melt into his body. She finally let herself go. Who cared? No one could or even would blame her. Even if it wasn’t Inuyasha, she had proved her loyalty to him and then some. She climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck and tried to pull him as close to her as humanly possible. His hands found themselves on her hips. She felt it. They were both hungry. Hot. Aroused. Needy.

He still smelled of pinewood, forest, musk. God, she had butterflies swirling in her stomach, heat spreading to her lower regions. If this was a dream, an illusion, or just a drunken image, she couldn’t have stopped it even if she wanted to. She needed him. Or whatever he was. Right then. Right there. She shifted and started to slowly grind on his hips, moaning all the while she started to unbutton his red shirt... His hands found hers and he pulled away. She whimpered loudly in disappointment.

“Kagome—God—You don’t know what this means to me. Seeing you, finding you again… But—but you’re drunk. You’re not thinking clearly.”

“Don’t care,” she tried to start kissing him again only for him to have kept her still.

“I’m not going to take advantage of you like this. We just found each other again. I—I can’t—”

“Inuyasha—it’s been four years for me, five-hundred-four for you…Just—shut up” she plunged forward and finally was able to recapture his mouth and he seemingly reluctantly resumed kissing her. Her hands started their handy work again until she shoved off his shirt down his fucking ripplin’ muscles. God, he was more built than he had been before. She swore she could have cum just from the sensation of her fingers touching his warm god-like body, or even having kissed him and him kiss her back in such fervor probably only they could have ever knew.

She moaned as she kept rubbing herself against his very present hardened length. Her skirt was basically no longer a skirt as it was so pushed up exposing her heat. She felt bad knowing that his pants probably were just as wet as her panties. If this was a fantasy she had conjured up, whew boy was it an amazing one. But each kiss, each brush of their tongues, each moan, growl, pant had begun to break down her walls to let her start believing it was reality. He was groaning but clearly hadn’t lost himself completely yet. If this was a dream, she wouldn’t have had that! He was going to fully enjoy this just as much as she planned to. It just then it became a plan of how to get him to unwind.

She moved from his lips, which did cause her to whine a bit but kissing her way down his jaw to his shoulder, to his pecks, Godddddddd. She was beyond wet. She was so horny it was unbelievable. She had never felt like that with anyone. She needed him more than she needed air. But he clearly refused to undress her or be an active participant aside from kissing her. Fine; she admitted she was drunk. But she didn’t care. She maybe would have regretted this in the morning, but the alcohol was definitely convincing her to not give a shit right then.  If this truly was Inuyasha, she would have zero regrets… She dropped to the ground between his legs and laughed. Which in turn caused her to hiccup making her only laugh harder.

She turned her eyes back to his face who was flushed but gazed down at her with concern.

“I waited for you, ya know? I couldn’t find anyone who was even half the man you are…I’ve never done…anything…” she trailed off while her hands moved along his thighs which caused his muscles to tighten and forced him to let out a low groan. She reached his button and unbuttoned while she maintained eye contact. She then pulled down the zipper. Slowly. Teasingly. Testing.

“Ka-Kagome—”

“Sh, sh, shhhhh. I’m going to prove this isn’t just about me…Inuyasha…I need this for myself too…Please…” Her skipped a beat when she uttered his name. She tugged down his pants to which he seemed hesitant but still willing complied to her nonverbal commands.

After a long look into his unsure hazy eyes, she turned to look at his twitching hardened cock. This had to be real. Even her imagination couldn’t have made this kind of thing up—the details were so…explicit. Mouthwatering. They made her body burn with excitement. She slowly wrapped her fingers delicately around it and stroked up gently. He jumped and growled. Mmmmm how she missed that sound.

She bent forward and took him in her mouth. His hands shot out to her shoulder and he tried to push her off; but she clenched one hand onto his bare thigh to steady herself and reassure him. Her other remained stroking in time with her taking him as deep as she could in her mouth, covering what she couldn’t contain. Clearly his resolve was weak enough at that point as it kept him from completely over-powering her. Or her fantasy she was stronger. Whatever it was.

He started panting and moved his hands into her hair, but he did not push her down or try to control the speed. It was like he just enjoyed having her tresses in his hands, between his fingers—she didn’t mind either. The sensations only added to her desires. He still rumbled through his gasped breaths, deep from his chest. She felt him twitch in her mouth and his grip tightened as he tried to pull her away but she held firm; she swirled her tongue around the tip, softly grazing him as she would bob up with her teeth and then encase him with her tongue on way the back down. She wanted to know how he tasted or wondered what her imagination would dream up. She was determined to keep going no matter how fucked up she would feel tomorrow. She had to know if in that very moment he was real…

“Kagome—I’m gonna—" She looked up at him and it caused him to hold his breath. His flushed face, tremoring body, God, she started praying to all the Gods she hadn’t spoken to in years that this wasn’t a dream or some drunken made up illusion.

He howled when he released, and she drank him up like she was parched and stuck in the desert, unsure when she would see water again… He was her savior. Her light. Those golden eyes bore into her own chocolate orbs heating her like she was laying on the beach in the middle of summer. She pulled back once she felt him stop pouring into her mouth and remained kneeling.

He grabbed her by her upper arms and drug her back up to him and kissed her hard. His tongue pushed back her lips and she let him taste himself in her mouth. He growled in approval and embraced her hard. He pulled back for them to catch their respective breaths again and locked eyes with her before he kissed her forehead gently.

“Kagome… I-“

“Inuyasha… Please…”

“Grrrr, you’re still the same stubborn wench from five-hundred years ago.”

“Hehehehe, you can say that. Please, I just… I want to believe you’re real… That you’re really here… Please…” she implored stroking her hand on his cheek.

He leaned into her hand sighing. He was still holding back. For whatever he was, real, fake, in between, he was uneasily wavered. Her hand moved subconsciously to his ear where she started kneading it in her finger. He more or less purred (she would never tell him that if he had been real) and kissed her again. She melted in his arms as he picked her up letting her wrap her legs around his bare waist and was carried to the bedroom. She actually didn’t remember that very clearly, she was still in a drunken haze, and only felt she was becoming more intoxicated by that man’s tongue working every angle of her mouth while her own grazed his sharp fangs. Was it possible to get high on this feeling? If so, she was.

He sat her on the bed and moved to unbutton her top but, yet AGAIN, paused. She exhaled irritably and earned a chuckle in addition to the resumption of his fingers delicately unbuttoning her top. She released his shoulders so he could push her top down her arms. She pulled her own camisole over her head and unzipped her skirt letting it fall loosely to her bottom and legs. She sat in just her under garments—lustful eyes set on him. Pleading. Begging for his touch. He slowly cupped her breast which caused a very unexpected sound to escape her own mouth. His mouth moved to her neck and his tongue laved its way to her shoulder.

Her walls were almost broken at that moment. This was a million times better than any fantasy she had dreamed up. She couldn’t have controlled her panting or her withering body at his ministrations even if she had tried to. Her images started to get harder to remember from the night before. Ughhhh noooooo! Keep thinking stupid!!!!

Her bra came off, did she take it off? Or him?

She remembered lifting up her hips for him to pull down her skirt while his mouth suckled on her nipples. That wet hot mouth on her breast made her mewl loudly. She was putty in his hands. Her underwear met an unfortunate fate, while she didn’t see them being removed, she heard a very distinct tear and the sensation of lace went missing…

She had been lying flat on her back as he crawled above her; he took her lips in her gently and lovingly. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and lightly brushed her fingers over his back and then threaded her fingers in long silver hair. He pulled away and started to trail his way back down her body, nipping, licking, kissing, hands brushing against every surface his face passed.

Fire. She was on fire. She was desperate for her release. She had never been so achy in her life. She was brokenly saying his name over and over pleading for him to understand what she wanted when she felt his tongue lick between her folds against her core.

She wailed and locked her hands on his head. Pressing him, if possible, further into her. His pace was torturous. She could tell he was learning her smell and taste all over again. She heard him mumble about how amazing she smelled and he had so many dreams about tasting her—none of which stacked up to that moment.

“Please Inuyasha… Pleaseeeee…”

That was what broke him—he began to set a better, fast rhythm. He used one hand to keep her hips steady (which she hadn’t been aware they were apparently out of control) and the other had started pumping a digit in and out of her. She had already been spoiled. She could never go back to her own fingers. No. Never. They would never stack up.

She was sooooooo close. The coil in belly was pulled tight. She wasn’t even sure if she had been panting or breathless at this point. She remembered trying to buck her hips in time with his fingers (wait, he added some??) but he still held her hips still. But the moment his mouth clamped down on her nub she was gone. Literally and figuratively. That was it.

 The shower turned off and she heard the sound a towel being wrapped… She was scared. She figured she might as well check herself into a mental institution… That or AA. She knew she had issues. She shivered in revulsion pulling the cover up to her breasts and closed her eyes when the bathroom door opened in the hallway.

“Kagome?”

Th-that voice… She dared peek and… it really was him. He was standing there, wrapped in a towel hanging from his hips, hair dripping from the shower, concerned eyes on her. She threw the sheet off, stumbled out of bed, and jumped to embrace him. He caught her easily and held her close as she sobbed into his chest brokenly weeping his name. He started to stroke her hair then picked up her and carried her back to the bed. They remained like that for some time until she finally calmed down.

“I-I’m sorry, Kagome.”

“What?” she asked as she lifted her head from his chest.

“I said I’m sorry… I… I took advantage of you…” his ears were flat on his head and he trembled slightly.

“Inuyasha, what do you mean?”

“I let you talk me into going further than I had planned on. I knew you were drunk and I tried to stop, I tried to stop you, but you were so persistent and I—I missed you so much, your scent was driving my instincts wild and—”

“Inuyasha,” she pressed a hand to cup his cheek which he leaned into. “I wasn’t—I didn’t—uhm…honestly I’m embarrassed to say I don’t remember everything from last night. But I know you wouldn’t have taken advantage of me. I actually have never been with anyone before and the fact I was so desperate in the parts I do remember, I’m not surprised I made us have sex,” he opened his mouth but she pressed a finger to it. “Wait, I want to finish. The parts I do remember I know you made me feel alive, for the first time in years. Just like when we traveled together. I’m not sorry last night happened. I love you so much, Inuyasha. I always wanted to be with you. I had been waiting for you, trying to find you since the well closed. I-I just hope… you’d be willing to do it again while I am sober and that I didn’t ruin our chances at that...”

He nipped her finger lightly and she squeaked and pulled it back blushing like mad. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but…” she braced herself for him to tell her he regretted last night and that there would be no repeat. She couldn’t have said she would have blamed him. She had been stupid. She shouldn’t have been that drunk. She was seriously going to start a sober streak after today. Hopefully she could win him back…

“We actually didn’t have sex.” She blinked. Twice. Did she hear that right? They…did not? But why was…

“Why don’t you tell me what the last thing you remember, Kagome.”

“Uhm… you-you had just finished, uhm—” she blushed like mad, just remembering what his tongue had made her feel heated her up. She noticed he stiffened beneath her, sniffing the air, and he growled sexily. She tried to swallow but before she could, he had her pinned underneath him, lips pressed to hers hotly. She moaned from the contact and let his tongue enter her mouth while she used hers to reacquaint herself with those fangs. He pulled away and started kissing down her jaw rumbling deep in his chest as she struggled to breathe. Her body was in flames. Clearly, she was always going to burn with him. She was so hot, so needy, she had never wanted anything more than his mouth to go lower. She wanted to jump into the flames with him.

“Let me—refresh—your memory—Ka—Go—Me,” he said brokenly as he kissed all down her chest and took her nipple in his mouth. She mewled, gasped, moaned, she had no control her body or the sounds it produced for him. The alcohol had not been a source of fuel—her body and mind apparently craved him so much that any touch would send her over the edge. But she had zero cares about being so wanton because it seemed like it just egged him on more. She arched herself into his mouth and massaged his ears as he thoroughly refreshed her memory. After each of her breasts for fully loved, bitten, suckled, he continued his quest south. He knelt to the ground between her legs allowing the towel to drop as he gave her a teasing lick. Her hands latched onto his head, entwining her fingers in his hair while she moaned his name.

“Oh Gods, Inuyashaaaaaa!” her hips rocked in rhythm with his tongue, she was aching. Yes, she had this pleasure last night, but at that moment, she knew she would never get enough from him. Ever.

He pushed two fingers into her folds and started pumping in and out of her while the other hand reached up and started to knead her breast. His mouth found purchase on her sensitive nub and she about lost it right there with a desperate cry until he drew back—damnit!!! He’s a fucking tease!!!

“We stopped right after you came last night. You more or less passed out mumbling not to leave you again… Let me tell you something right now, wench…” he started pumping his fingers faster, harder, making her cry from pleasure but still not enough to release for him. “I have no intention of ever letting you out of my life again. We were born for each other, Kagome. I waited five-hundred years for this moment; and I was not going to mark you while you drunk out of your fucking mind. But Gods, did I want to, I’m struggling for control now.”

“Th-Then stop—take me—pleaseeeeee—ahhhhhh! Inu-Inuyasha please!”

“Don’t gotta ask twice,” he smirked his mouth engulfed around her jewel and sucked hard. She came hard crying out loudly, soaking his fingers and the edge of her bed. She didn’t get a moment to recover as he rose to his feet and steered her fully on the mattress then climbed over her. Their mouths locked and her legs swung and wrapped themselves around his hips while her arms swathed his shoulders. He lined himself up at her entrance but paused.

“Inuyashaaaa—” she whined pathetically.

“Do… you do know this is a ‘forever’ kind of thing…right? Demons, we don’t just go and do this with anybody… We either need to sire an heir…or we plan on mating forever. I won’t be able to stop my inner demon if we start Kagome—it has been screaming since last night to take you. Claim you. But—I know as a human, you need to know, that you will watch your friends die. Your family. Time will become almost nonexistent… Are you sure this is what you want? I—I am just so thankful to have you back. I want anything you want.”

“Inuyasha… if I’m with you, I will always be whole. I will never regret this decision. Four years was enough for me to know I could never be without you. I want to be with you… Always,” she reached up to cup his face and pulled him down for a tender kiss.  As their lips were locked, he pushed forward gently. She felt herself slowly being stretched but it felt so amazing to feel this complete, it overrode the slight pain and discomfort. She was so wet, it made it easy for him to slide in. She suspected he was restraining himself to not just shove himself fully in her. Or this felt completely overbearingly amazing. His face was pleasure ridden she couldn’t tell one reason from the other.

He rested his forehead against hers once he was fully sheathed in her. He was likely trying to control himself, but she refused to have any of that. She needed him. All of him. Demon, Human, Half. That wall of disbelief was shattered last night and almost lurked its ugly head back again when she had woken up—she was vulnerable and demanded to be filled by Inuyasha. This was real. He had come for her.

She bucked her hips causing them both to gasp and moan out their pleasure. He took his cue and began slowly driving into her. She met him thrust for thrust—encouraging him to go faster, deeper, harder. He gritted her name through clenched teeth, his fangs elongating. She reassured him by cupping his face then slowly moving her hands to stroke his ears. His growl vibrated her to the core, and he began to plunge in deeper and faster. She could barely keep her eyes open let alone not grasp his ears tightly; before she could have harmed his little furry appendages, she dropped her hands onto his shoulders, stabbing him with her blunt nails, no longer able to match his pace. She was just along for the ride and this was the best roller coaster she had ever rode.

She was mewling, crying out his name and probably a God or two, begging for more. She was so close. So close. She heard him cuss under his breath and opened her eyes see his purple strips present on his cheeks. She felt his claws prick her hips. He had finally lost whatever battle he had within himself. But his amber eyes shined through.

“I-I’m close, Kagome.”

“Me-Me too! Ah! God!”

“When I release, I’m going to mark you. Here—” he dropped his head and licked the junction of her shoulder and neck and pulled back up to make eye contact.

“Okay—Inu-Inuyashaaa, pleaseee…”

“Yea, Kagome? What do you want? What do you neeeed?” he purred.

She couldn’t articulate what she really needed—but she knew what she wanted. She knew one way to finish them both. She looked up to make sure he was watching as she let go of one of his shoulders and dropped her hand to rub her overly stimulated nub. He sucked in a breath and almost closed his eyes, but he looked too entranced to look away. His thrusts became harder and he resumed his previous pace before having paused to tell her about the mark. She cried out his name as her coil snapped, her core seized around him, pulling him in, trying not to let him go, milking him for all he had.

He roared her name as he came pulling her up to his mouth and bit down. She whimpered in pain but didn’t fight him. She wanted this. Craved this closeness. Absorbed his demonic aura into her body happily without hesitation.

He pulled his fangs from her first and swabbed the blood with his tongue then pulled out of her slowly. He released her hips and lowered himself back down to the bed gently next to her. She immediately closed the gap clambering to rest her head on his chest. He chuckled and wrapped his arm around her pulling her body close, leaving his hand on her bottom, stroking it gently.

“So… if we didn’t have sex last night…” she peered up to look him in the eyes. He placed a pillow under him so he was elevated so he could look down into her eyes with ease.

“We didn’t. I would have never take advantage of you when you were that far gone. Marking you and having explain everything after? Yea, if the beads still worked, I would have been sat to Berlin.”

“No, I wouldn’t have been mad, but—why was I sore between my legs when I woke up?”

“You were sore… Oh! I forgot! You wiggled your way out of my hold last night complaining about having to pee and you fell hard straddling the toilet. I came in but you shoed me out… I waited outside the door only to hear you fall in the shower—you’re lucky you didn’t bust your head open.”

“OH… God…” she covered her face with her hands. “Why you would still want me to mate with me after last night?”

“Kagome, when you came up those stairs you reeked of liquor and sadness, all I wanted to do was make the pain stop. Jiro said for the month you’ve lived here all you’ve done is drink yourself to sleep or cry. He said you refused to open-up and he didn’t want to push you in fear you wouldn’t let him learn who you really were. After hearing about your nightmares and everything else, it tore me up to know this was how you had been living… I thought it was best you decide on a future for yourself; I didn’t realize how much you would suffer alone like I had though, and I’m so sorry. I understood why you had been drinking the way you had.”

“Inuyasha, you didn’t know. It’s ok. We’re together now. That’s all that—wait a minute, how do you know Jiro?”

“You really don’t see it?”

“That he kind of looks like Miroku? Yes, I do. But I didn’t…how…I know you’ve lived for hundreds of years… I just have so many questions! What are you doing now? What—what happened from then to… now?”

“The short version is Sesshomaru and I run a technology cooperation together, he’s still Lord of the freaking West, regions are still divided into four. Two jackasses run East and South that I try to refrain from every having to interact with and Koga is head of the North. He mated Ayame, have a giant pack of little nasty flea-bags—” she elbowed him in the chest and he rolled his eyes. “We’re fine now. He’s mated. He actually doesn’t know I have been lookin’ for you. I can’t wait to see his face.”

“But he’s with Ayame now. Why would he be upset?”

“That dumbass wolf, even though he is mated to Ayame and is a loyal mate, has never given up looking for you. He still cared about you. Yes, he has grown to love Ayame and would never abandon her, but he was convinced I let you die… never heard the end of it. All this shit about he would have never allowed that to happen, how I let you down… not that he isn’t a total moron for thinking that but…”

She reached up and cupped his face and he kissed the inside of her palm. She crawled her way to lay on top of him and took his lips with hers. It was slow, loving, patient kiss. She tried to convey all her emotions, gratitude, love, longing, anything she felt to show how there was no anger or grudge she could have held.  Slowly the kiss turned more sensual, not that she was trying to start anything again, but Inuyasha was there, lying beneath her, naked, and she was fairly certain she felt a certain piece of anatomy poking her thighs. His wrapped his arms around her back slowly rubbing up and down until his hands found purchase on her ass and squeezed. He slowly rubbed himself on her and she moaned into his mouth allowing his tongue to reacquaint itself with her taste. She felt herself growing warm again and pulled away slightly gazing into his eyes. He stared back at her with all the love she had ever dreamed he would have for her.

Still breathing raggedly, she pressed as she started using her hips to aid his hands in their little dance of rubbing her core on his length, “What else?”

“Hahaha… you would be a talker… Sess’ and Rin mated when she was eighteen, I—we have three bratty nieces and one asshole nephew.”

She dipped her face to lick his nipple causing his breath to get caught in his throat, “Shippo?”

“Shippo is mated to some fox demon he met at the that stupid inn we went to. They’ve been mated for about three hundred years… Couple kids. Technically our grandkids—adopted—fuck Kagome—” She had bit his neck and started kissing up his jaw to his mouth again.

“I-I know they’re gone… but what about…”

“Miroku and Sango lived long full lives. Eight kids. Lech wasn’t exaggerating about wanting a big family. Kirara actually lives with me for now; she was traveling to each descendant of Miroku and Sango for a while. She still will visit them here and there—but they usually come to visit us because it’s easier that way. Family reunion shit. Ugh,” he grabbed her hips to steady her a bit. She knew she was teasing him, but to be fair, she owed him from keeping her so on edge last night and this morning. “J-Jiro is one of them, probably the closest to their original heirs—the story is passed down in the family and they just refer to me as ‘uncle’. J—God damnit you’re trying to kill me—” her hands were rubbing the base of his ears and she was dipping her wet opening just at the tip of him. She was impressed he was still talking as coherently as he was, but he was speaking extremely fast.

“I’m sorry? You got cut off… what about Jiro?” she smirked with another twist of her hips almost letting him in fully.

“Son of a—if this is the punishment I have to have, I guess I’ll take it,” he smirked back at her as he reached one hand between them and grabbed her mounds, fingers dancing before twisting and pinching her nipple. Her breath caught as he chuckled, “Jiro runs a dojo his family started years ago we helped fund. He technically works for me and we are as close as the monk and I were. He said he saw the pictures we took put up in your apartment yesterday and finally put two and two together—” he moved his over hand and started rubbing her jewel. She moaned and finally couldn’t take anymore torture and pushed back letting him be sheathed within her. He remained still for her to adjust—both panting having endured what seemed like hours of teasing. She finally tested to see what it be like to move forward and push back. HOLY. FUCK. RIGHT. THERE.

He sat up and she immediately grasped his shoulder raising herself up to push herself back down and didn’t expect to feel him thrust up. She gasped and withered from the sensation. She was already almost there. He was so hard she imagined he probably was too. But she didn’t care. She would’ve rode him all day. They had years of catching up to do. She remembered she was off all weekend too and mentally did a happy dance as she bounced up and down literally on his cock.

“Do that again,” he said huskily.

“Wh-what?”

“Touch yourself. I want to feel you,” he whispered into her ear, licking the shell and grabbing the lobe in his teeth.

She didn’t falter her pace and did as she was told. He leaned down and took her nipple in his mouth sucking, nibbling. She froze and crashed down on to him crying her release, trembling, holding onto him as she tried to ground herself. She felt like she was soaring through the skies like they used to do—traveling on his back. Free, carefree, just enjoying the scenery.  Together.

His hands on her hips guided her to lie back as he resumed their previous pace as she came down from her high. His mouth found her mark and re-pierced it with his fangs, sucking hard on her skin.

“Fuck!! INUYASHAAAAA—” she was already restrung ready to snap again when she felt him stiffen and grumble her name as he growled loudly letting himself go causing her to wail as she felt her walls crash down on his length buried within her. He crashed down on top of her, completely spent, head resting on her chest as she languidly brought her arms around him.

She was exhausted. She felt sleep edging its way faster and faster through her consciousness but she wouldn’t allow it to claim her yet. Four years. Over five hundred for him. She needed to be with him. She didn’t want the connection to be broken just yet. She swallowed and softly asked, “How are you here…? I mean, why haven’t I been able to sense any demons? It sounds like there are plenty around here…”

“Mmmmm,” he reached one arm up tilting his head to find the strand of hair his hand began to twirl through. “We have charms. Like the fuyoheki Naraku used. Made it easier to be less noticeable; blend in and have less trouble amounting power. The demon council that had been established knew we couldn’t keep killing humans who would wage war on us, and humans would never fully accept us. We often had to change identities, move to different countries for awhile until people who knew us and would have realized we didn’t age passed, but all in all it hasn’t been too hard to amount wealth and stuff. Make life more comfortable.”

“You never… you never took another mate?”

“Never found one I loved. You were always in my heart Kagome. Don’t be mad, but I did try. I really did because I knew you expect me to; but no one ever came close to how I felt about you. I told you for demons sex is just—different. Even though I am only half, my demon half refused to allow us to go around fucking anyone who gave me any attention. It only desired you. It knew you would be back… My human half recognized that too. My love for you made me refuse to move on…I also felt no need to sire any descendants of my own. I had Shippo. Adopted or not, he is our son.”

“I’m so sorry you spent all these centuries alone… It—it’s all my—” Inuyasha leaned up and took her lips to cut her off.

“Shut up. You won’t let me apologize for making you wait, then you aren’t allowed to blame yourself for being my mate.” She blushed hotly and averted eye contact. “Shippo is probably going shit himself when I tell him I found you.”

“What does he do now?”

“He’s actually a teacher—Chemistry. You know. Has a thing for burning shit and all,” he winked at her causing her to giggle.

Her phone began chirping from the living room. She groaned and patted his shoulder to move. He jumped off the bed after a quick peck to her temple, grabbed the phone and returned to lay by her side instantly. She had to blink to realize he had even actually moved before looking at the caller id. “MOM” it read. She answered, “Hello?”

“Kagome! I’ve been trying to reach you all evening! Are you ok? Your friends said you disappeared at the bar and they weren’t able to reach you either! Jiro didn’t answer his phone and someone has come by looking for you twice at the shrine! He wouldn’t say who he was, only that he was a friend! What is going on??”

“Mom, mom, calm down. I’m ok. I’m great actually.”

“Kagome—you had us so worried! We thought something happened to you!”

“Mom—I’m really fine. I promise. I—”

“Kagome this behavior has to stop! I’ve let it go long enough but—”

Inuyasha grabbed the phone from Kagome, “Mrs. Higurashi?”

“—enough—You! You were at my house yesterday!”

“Yea, I found her.”

“Kagome!!!!”

“Owwwwww—not so loud. Hurts the damn ears.” Kagome grabbed the phone back shaking her head at him and massaged the abused appendage.

“Mom, he is a friend… Well, more than that actually,” Inuyasha snaked the arm his head wasn’t propped up on around her waist.

“What do you mean Kagome? You said you haven’t been seeing anyone since you came back from the Feudal Era! Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”

“Mom, I didn’t lie. He found me. Yesterday. It’s Inuyasha,” he lowered himself to rest his head on her chest again as she stroked his ears.

“Kagome—Are—Are you sure??”

“Doggy ears and all,” she said with a giggle flicking the said appendage making him growl in annoyance.

“Oh my gosh! That’s wonderful news Kagome! So, when will you be getting married and giving me grandchildren? OH! Will they have his ears?!? Are you coming over tonight for dinner still?? Bring him!! I can’t wait to actually see him again without that disguise he was wearing!”

Inuyasha nodded yes to the question on Kagome’s tongue, “Uh—yes, we will be there tonight.”

“Ok my darling, have fun!” she could literally hear the smirk and wink from the phone. “Be safe—no grandchildren until after you’re married!”

“MOTHER!”

“Love you!” she heard a click and held the phone away from her. Completely mortified. Inuyasha snickered in response.

“Keep laughing dog-boy and you won’t have to worry about kids,” looking at her multiple missed calls and texts and quickly responding without being totally forthcoming to her friends.

“Right, as if you could hold out on me—don’t forget who had to be the one to tell you no,” his mouth engulfing her breast.

She sucked in her breath and shifted her hips a little, “Ah! Mk, you’re right.”

“Besides, not to be gross, but I can smell when you’re in heat.”

“That’s not surprising; if anything, it explains why you act the way you would. Extra moody and pushing me to go home because I was ‘bothering’ you,” she smirked realizing it wasn’t actually a lie. “Oh, the girls want to go out again tonight. They want to know who finally ‘met my standards’... But I think I’m gonna pass…”

He rolled his eyes as he trailed kisses up to her collar bone, neck stopping to lave her mark again, then made his way to her lips.

“We should go after dinner with your family,” he breathed on her lips.

“W-We? Y-You wanna go to a club? Really? But—I didn’t think you’d—”

“Keh, I think you forget I’ve lived five-hundred years since we last saw each other. My nieces, while they can kick anyone’s asses, all enjoy that scene. ‘Someone’ said one of us has to watch them. Protective Uncle is better than Asshole Dad. I’ll warn the fucks, Sess would just kill them. Also, not to make you jealous, but enough women I dated wanted to do that kind of shit… But there’s only one person I ever wanted to grind on,” he winked as he came back down to smoother her in kisses as she giggled.

“Uhm… Ok. I guess we can go. I’m sorry in advance if they bring Hojo.”

He laughed, “I’d actually love to kick that scrawny fuck’s ass if he tries anything while I’m there. But,” he started to rub his hands along her body, lingered on her curves and then settled for massaging circles in between her folds, “Why don’t you tell me what you’ve been up to Ka-Go-Me?”

She groaned internally. How could someone invoke such intense feelings out of a person? How could he make her so desperate with barely any effort?? After being fully dated multiple times already.

“College. Sucky roommate. Friends still pushy. Graduated. Nurse,” she informed through each kiss exchanged with their as he teased her.

“Heh, impatient are we?” he smirked down at her as she was already breathless. He leaned closer to her ear and whispered, “Why don’t we go shower together this time and then get breakfast?”

She nodded vigorously and he laughed as he edged off her allowing her to the lead the way…

 At dinner, Inuyasha filled her family in on his five-hundred years between when he saw Kagome last to now. He apparently worked for Takashasi Enterprises and was directly under Sesshomaru as the COO. His identity was currently Yashiko Takahashi and went by “Yash”. She recognized the name immediately and was shocked how well-known he had been and she never realized it was him. But he told her that had been the point. He couldn’t risk his younger self ever catching whiff of him and his presence. He was, up until four years ago, opening the new branch of their company in Berlin to avoid them.

He had an apartment near where his work was but also owned properties around the world. He maintained his human disguise originally until Sota and her mother begged to see his ears again. It all had been so surreal… He was really there—eating dinner with them again, holding her hand under the table, he had given her his old haori when they stopped at his place to change before dinner, and she had decided to wear it over her cocktail dress she picked to wear for when they went to the club again. She realized she had never been happier. More complete. As she looked into Inuyasha’s eyes, her mate, her life, she realized the feeling was mutual.

  Still debating on maybe a part 2? Epilogue? We will see 

[borisbubbles]

35. ALBANIA

Arilena Ara - “Fall from the sky”

Hmm, well this is awkward

There you have it, my first impression of the song formerly known as “Shaj”. Four words I’ve written down after hearing the song, while the others got at least a full paragraph. Then it won FiK, completely passing me by as it did. 

Since then, my opinion has been has been bouncing up and down between mild like and even milder dislike ever since, before finally settling "meh this is boring either way”. Imagine caring about “Fall from the sky”. I don’t. Neither should you. 

Song Analysis

Christ how do I even do this? Does brutal honesty works? Okay, then: “Fall from the sky” is a completely unremarkable song, devoid of traits. It is generic balladeering 101. It’s bechamel sauce. It’s vanilla ice cream. It is as colourful as primer paint and as fun as watching said paint dry. If the tune didn’t put you to sleep, then the lyrics would (“I’m gonna spread my wings, for I am destined to fly” - who even writes cliché tripe like this? 

Fittingly enough, the revamp did cause Arilena to “fall from the sky” at ESCUnited, by which i mean her score in the polls PLUMMETED faster than the speed of gravity <3 How was she even that high in the first place? Like, this:

isn’t that good? Arilena is a good perfomer, yes, but like... she cannot carry this blandfest by ehrself. Yet, people were unironically comparing “Shaj” to "Suus”? SUUS? S U U S????? I *hate* “Suus” but good lord no. “Suus” was shrill, diabolical and a walking nightmare, but one thing it definitely NEVER was, was boring. 

If anything, “Shaj” is a “Kruna”. A shouty midtempo bore, crippled by its datedness, somehow finding a place of reverence because the person singing it is a glame blonde in a punk gothic dress (or whatever umbrella term you’d put Arilena’s dress under - I am partial to “tarantula couture” myself), which attracts the snobs-but-not-rly-snobs-cuz-they-are-basic-shh-don’t-tell’em basics like moths to a flame, like birds to a pane of glass (okay, Laurell). God why am I still writing about “Shaj” it is DULL END OFF. 

NF Corner

Yes well, you really cannot discuss the cold Yin of “Shaj” without mentioning the warm Yang of “Me tana”. I mean what *exactly* was wrong with this song again?

Elvana Gjata - “Me tana”

Okay, before we continue, a PSA: “Me tana” is NOT a Fuego clone. Folk Dance was a thing before Fuego. Reggaeton was a thing before Fuego. Songs in the same genre as “Fuego” aren’t “Fuego Clones”. STOP SPREADING FAKE NEWS.

Anyway having said that, “Me tana” (whose closest living relatives are “Origo” and “Qele qele”), was a pretty good folk/dance/pop blend, even if its staging dabbled a bit too much into the Fuego pool (staging. not song. STAGING), but I am confident it would’ve found its own place and niche had the 2020 contest come to fruition. 

My personal pet theory: a lot of the Arilena fandom stems from her beating Elvana and not due to “Shaj” itself. I can defintitely tell because the juror that made “Me Tana” lose, Mikaela Mingle, ALSO gained a cult following after Elvana lost and well... Keep getting pressed, losers.

So am I an Elvana fan myself? Well, not really? However ,i do like “Me tana” a lot though, and  I think it was leagues ahead of “Shaj” in the pretty much every category, mostly because *Shajte* itself isn’t (and never was) a good song to begin with. 

No, my fave was *this* metalpiece  🤩

Valon Shehu - “Kutia ë Pandorës”

Lol imagine making your way through a string of dated ballads and dated rock songs and like, typical balkanic folk pop Except It’s In Albanian, and suddenly you’re smacked full in the face by an unapolegetic SYMPHONIC METAL SONG <333333 Written by SER EUGENT OF HOUSE BUSHPEPPER NO LESS!!! Kicking and punching their air in front of the camera non-stop <33333 Valon gives me LIFE and I really wish we got a dedicated metal song in this Former Contest, but alas. (Yeah, “Take Me As I Am”, but that one transcends labels)

Albania 2020 vs Albania 2021

“Shaj” was always a borderline qualifier at best, and the revamp did it no favours. “Fall from the sky” wpuld have been dead on arrival. 

However, I was pleased when Albania announced the revamp initially? See it as win/win: either Shaj would be transformed into a GREAT pop song, making the loss of, well everything that wasn’t “Shaj” in FiK, justifiable. Or, Albania would fumble it by stripping down the song even more and getting rid of all of its unique qurks, which was a MASSIVE slap in the face of any idiot who had ever claimed that “Me tana” would’ve flopped in Rotterdam (a breed of idiot that absolutely deserve to be clowned at every juncture, preferably by their own hand).

Anyway, even though “Fall from the sky” is dead and FiK will probably still be held in december anyway, I would want RTSQ to just pick Arilena again? “Shaj” was *SHAJTE* but Arilena herself was... okay? Good, even? She gave me a GLIMMER of talent during the live, which is in itself a small miracle given how thoroughly Not Good her song was. And I mean, just the ~mere principle~ of 2020 artists getting conned out of their rightful place in ESC by the EBU forces me to root for Arilena’s return in 2021*. Make it happen, RTSQ. 

* Except for De & Mon. Fuck De & Mon. 😇

FREAKY!FRIDAY!FACTOR!

Everything surrounding “Shaj” was the usual Albanian stuff (boring geriatric ballad wins, gets revamped into an even MORE boring geriatric ballad), but i’m willing to give Albania a senhead for producing an unapolegetically fun NF with some legit good modern entries (ALBANIA! Trying modern! THE CONCEPT!) and another for setting the stage for the rest of the NF season of SHOCK winners. Albania set the seasonal trend of “Audience Darling Mysteriously Bombs At The 11th Hour” and without it, the rest of the season would’ve felt a lot less freaky!. 

Score: 2 Senhits out of 5. 

[pettybkang]

U GOT IT

Group: X1

Pairing: Seungwoo + Y/N. 

Genre: Professors!AU.

Word count: 8k+

Description:  “Y/N had joked about inviting Seungwoo, but at the same time, she hoped her friend would bite the bait. She knows Esmée doesn’t ignore a dare and it would be really nice to be able to dance with Seungwoo at a night club, a little bit too drunk to care. Y/N might even forget how horrible finals week really is if she gets to see that stupid smile by the end of it.”

“How does one spell together? Is it H after G or H after the second T?” Y/N heard the voice of her best friend coming from the living room while she cooked them both dinner. Esmée had gone to catch her phone to send a text and now was pretty much yelling so that her entire building could hear that she didn’t know how to spell together.  

“Are you sure you are a professor? That teaches, you know, Linguistics at NYU?” Y/N just raised her eyebrow while mixing the ingredients inside the pan. 

“I’m certain. There are a few diplomas at my place to prove it. I’m a Ph.D. or whatever. How do I spell it?” 

“H after the last T, genius.” 

“Thanks!” Esmée pressed send and walked all the way to the kitchen. She wasn’t really allowed to touch, but the woman was certainly great at talking and doing a lot of watching and asking questions. “Seungyoun wants to do a research together,” she said the moment she stepped back into the kitchen. 

“The other language nerd Seungyoun?” Y/N didn’t even bat an eye. Both women didn’t live together, but they do live five floors from each other and have been friends for a few years now. Y/N knows everything about Esmée, Esmée knows everything about Y/N. 

“There are several language nerds at NYU, you know? But sure. The other language nerd,” Esmée was leaning against the counter, champagne glass in hand again. 

“You two are always together. Might as well get some work done,” Y/N said, grabbing a clean spoon to taste the sauce. “What does he want to research?” 

“The impact music trends have on people’s interest in learning a different language,” Esmée shrugged, checking her phone again. “And if it makes it easier or harder for people to lean said languages.” 

“See? Language nerds.” 

“I don’t call you a cuisine nerd just because you know thirty types of olive oil,” Esmée pointed out, sipping from her glass again. 

Y/N shrugged, drank some from her own glass and look up from the pan. “I’m Italian. It has nothing to do with what I teach.” 

“You wrote a book about the origin of gnocchi.” 

“Very Italian of me, if I may point out.” 

“Whatever,” Esmée finished her glass and set it on the counter. She had set the table earlier, mixed the salad and also made them some strawberry juice. That’s how far Y/N would allow her to go in her kitchen, so now the linguistics professor was a bit bored as she waited for the food. “How’s your research going?” 

“Which one?” 

“The one with Seungwoo. Weren’t you guys looking for all the similarities within Italian and Korean cuisine?” 

“Oh, that one. I shouldn’t have said yes. I should have known I would have to try the food at some point. And Korean food is really spicy? And I’m a little allergic to all things spicy? I set myself up in this one.” 

Esmée had started laughing midway, filling her glass with a bit more champagne and shaking her head at her friend. “This is why you shouldn’t accept working with someone just because you have a crush on them.” 

“I do not have a crush on Seungwoo,” Y/N rolled her eyes, reaching for the plates to plate their dinners. Pear and brie risotto, mixed greens and steak. Esmée just nodded and moved to fill Y/N’s glass before taking it to the dinner table. 

They sat facing each other, changing the subject as they started eating. Their students would always give them good stories to tell and besides that, they both worked at crazy departments. Y/N at the Center for European and Mediterranean Studies and Esmée at the Department of Anthropology and Linguistics. The men they mentioned are also professors at NYU - Seungyoun share the same departments as Esmée and Seungwoo works at the Department of East Asian Studies. 

Esmée and Seungyoun met the day she joined NYU as a professor. Being the language nerd that Seungyoun is, he filled her with questions on her first day the moment he saw her to check if they shared interests. Esmée responded to those questions with more questions of her own and they haven’t stopped since. The other professors in the Department of Linguistics think it’s impossible for someone to speak that much, but they manage. 

As Esmée and Y/N do pretty much everything together, when Parasite - the movie - came out, the younger dragged the older one to see it. They ended up meeting Seungyoun there by chance and he had also brought a friend, Seungwoo. The four professors went out for drinks after the movie to discuss it - Esmée and Seungyoun wouldn’t shut up about it, Y/N and Seungwoo got closer as they complained about the lack of options of what to order for dinner. 

They found out then that both studied the cuisine and food origins of their respective countries - Y/N being Italian and Seungwoo being Korean - and got even closer after that. Esmée swears to everything holy that Y/N has a crush on Seungwoo. Y/N more often than not plans to murder her best friend. 

As soon as dinner was done, they did the dishes and grabbed another bottle of champagne, taking it to the living room with them. Y/N put a movie on, a Christmas story, and that’s how their night ended. With lots of champagne, a sweet movie and lots of gossip in their pajamas. Esmée went up to her apartment on the fifteenth floor and Y/N went into her bedroom to sleep.  

Sunday was done. 

Finals were about to start at NYU. 

x

Some people know how hard students have during finals. All that studying, stressing, the fear of failing an entire course just because you got a few answers wrong. But not as many people know how hard professors have during finals. Sure, most have assistants and most don’t do much work by themselves, but there’s always some correction, evaluation and preparation to be done. By the second day, Y/N was a stress mess. 

She was running up and down the building looking for her assistant and then for the copies her assistant was supposed to deliver, but lost. Gabriel was lucky she had the swearing gene Italians usually have locked behind doors inside of her, otherwise, he would have known a very different side of her. 

After sending her assistant home, Y/N walked all the way to her next class ready to fail the first student that dared raise their hand during the final. 

“Yes, it’s me today…” she said the moment she walked in, watching the reaction of her students. With a thud, she dropped everything by her desk and then circled it, leaning back against it, arms crossed. “We’re starting the final in ten. No, you’re not allowed to use your notes. Please, pay attention and mark the correct answer. If I catch any of you cheating, you’re done,” she reached behind herself and grabbed the pile of tests. 

Handing it to the first student in front of her, she asked them to pass it around and leave the rest at the desk by the door. After a bit more explaining, the test started and she remained leaning against her desk, watching them. 

Fifteen minutes in, she heard a soft knock by the door and there stood Seungwoo. He walked in quietly, a soft smile on his lips and two cups of coffee on his hands. As soon as he got close enough, he handed one to Y/N and a loud collective relieved sigh could be heard in the room. She frowned at her students, about to tell them off, but was cut off by Seungwoo. 

“Caramel Macchiato with extra cinnamon,” he pretty much whispered as he nudged her to take the coffee. “I saw Gabriel almost falling while running up the stairs earlier. Thought he had screwed up again,” he added with a smile.  

Y/N just took the coffee and shook her head a little, moving her attention back to her students. Seungwoo followed, leaning against the desk too and shoving his free hand on the pocket of his very fancy pair of pants, Y/N had noticed as he walked in.

He checked his watch one and then again a few minutes later, squeezing her wrist to get her attention and waving goodbye - he had his own class to teach now. Y/N just waved and thanked him again for the coffee, now an empty cup left on top of her desk. As soon as he was gone, she circled the desk again and finally sat down on her chair to wait for her students to finish their finals. 

She would never say it out loud, but her favorite moments at work were whenever Seungwoo would show up with some random coffee order he thought were her favorite for the week. Esmée would never let her hear the end of it if she ever says it out loud. 

A student was already done with his test, making Y/N frown and break her chain of thoughts. He handed the test and quickly got out, leaving the professor with the half-empty test in hands. She rolled her eyes, another student that would have to take her class again next semester. 

x

“Esmée!” she heard from a distance, which made her look around and stop in the middle of the way of some students who were going up and down campus. “Es!” she heard again, louder this time. Then she decided to turn around and there he was. Seungyoun. Running towards her. 

Esmée waved with one hand, a matcha latte on the other. “Did your students finish their finals for the day?” she asked as soon as he was close enough. 

“Oh, I didn’t schedule any for today. Most of them told me they had yours today, so I scheduled mine for Thursday,” he said, shrugging and with a smile on his lips. 

“That’s why they like you more than they like me,” Esmée pouted, taking the cup of matcha to her lips then. 

“That’s a huge lie. They love your class and you know it,” Seungyoun said and Esmée instantly made a face at him, showing him her tongue. “But, uh… Did you think about that research? What do you say?” 

“Hmmmm, sure. Let’s do it,” she gave him a smile, nodding at him. “But I just wanna let it known that I’m extremely organized when it comes to research,” Esmée eyed him, Seungyoun being known in the department for sometimes losing student’s tests or grades. 

The other professor just laughed it off, giving her a face. “Let’s talk about it once finals are over then,” he smiled, making Esmée smile too. “I gotta go, some students are waiting for me,” he added as he pointed towards the building and started walking back. 

Esmée and Seungyoun waved their goodbyes and went their separate ways. She made a mental note to invite him to her favorite café after this week was over so they could discuss the preparations for the research and everything they would need to go after to be able to publish it. 

The woman kept making her way out of the campus towards her car, but before she could reach it she was stopped by several different students, two other professors, and even her own assistant. Finals were definitely hard for professors too. 

“We should go out for a drink once this week is over,” Esmée said the moment she saw Y/N. Her best friend was carrying a pile of tests out of her center building and she reached to help, taking half from Y/N’s arms. 

“We might as well go for a drink now,” Y/N just kept walking, hoping Esmée was following. “Otherwise I might just kill my assistant before the week is over.” 

“Sorry to disappoint, but I have the morning class tomorrow and I don’t think I can pay attention to all of those presentations if I’m hangover,” Esmée pouted as she followed Y/N, noticing her friend was making a beeline towards Esmée’s car. Apparently she was taking her home today. “We can go to that bar… What’s its name? Moment or whatever on Friday.” 

Y/N just slowed down a little, but kept walking. “I’m listening,” she added. 

Esmée laughed, shaking her head and speeding up a little to catch up. “I know they’re having a pop night or whatever. It’s perfect music to get drunk to and forget we have to deal with young adults for a living, even though we’re not that old,” she shrugged. “We can even call Seungwoo,” Esmée winked and stepped aside, afraid she might get hit. 

“Fine,” Y/N shrugged, making Esmée look at her wide-eyed. “You can invite him. I’m sure he won’t go to a bar on Friday night. Or a night club even. Good luck,” she added with a laugh. 

Esmée rolled her eyes and unlocked her car, letting Y/N put all the papers on her backseat first and them pilling up the rest on top. They both got into the car and the younger professor drove them both back home, to their apartments.

Y/N had joked about inviting Seungwoo, but at the same time, she hoped her friend would bite the bait. She knows Esmée doesn’t ignore a dare and it would be really nice to be able to dance with Seungwoo at a night club, a little bit too drunk to care. Y/N might even forget how horrible finals week really is if she gets to see that stupid smile by the end of it. 

x

“We’re going out on Friday. And you can’t say no,” was the first thing Esmée said the moment she saw Seungyoun the next day. They were in the middle of the hallway and some students even frowned at them - Esmée even noticed one of them quickly typing to let their friends know about the newly found gossip. 

It isn’t news that Seungyoun and Esmée do everything together for the staff, but for some students it might be. 

“Okay… I’m listening?” the man simply adjusted his round glasses, crossing his arms and stopping everything to pay attention to the woman. 

“There’s this club Y/N and I usually go to… I mean, not usually since we rarely go to clubs but you get the idea. They’re having a pop night or whatever on Friday. The best type of music ever to completely forget about finals,” she stopped, biting on her lower lip for a second. 

“But…?” Seungyoun continued for her, making her shrug and laugh a little. 

“We have to convince Seungwoo to go.” 

“Seungwoo? My Seungwoo? Korean cuisine studies Seungwoo?” If by the number of question Seungyoun didn’t seem confused enough, he made sure to show a very confused face as he stared at Esmée. “I’m 90% certain he never leaves the house.” 

“Oh, but he does! He goes to all of those work-dates with Y/N!” Esmée said, sounding a bit hopeful. 

Seungyoun gave it some thought, convincing his best friend to go to a nightclub would not be an easy feat, but they could try. He finally shrugged, giving Esmée a smile. “Can I tell him Y/N is also going?” 

With a smile, and a shared knowing look, Esmée nodded. “You’re both going to love the place! I mean it. They make a very good, uh… beer?” 

“Very convincing,” Seungyoun laughed, shaking his head a little. He placed his hand on her arm, giving it a little squeeze. “You better talk to him too if you see him. Guilt trip him into going.” 

“Oh, I’m great at that,” she added, a smile on her lip. 

Seungyoun wanted to agree, but he just laughed it off. They waved their goodbyes and followed with their day. Esmée would have lunch and then move to one of her afternoon classes and Seungyoun had some researches to read and review. It was Wednesday, which meant they still had two days to convince Seungwoo to go out with them.

x

Later that afternoon, Seungyoun was walking out of the campus’ coffee shop when he spotted Y/N sitting at one of their tables. She was obviously busy, laptop opened in front of her while she typed something furiously. He noticed a half-empty cup of whatever latte they were serving that day and decided that joining her wouldn’t be a bad idea. 

“Hey!” Seungyoun didn’t even wait for Y/N to invite him to sit, he just did. Placing his books on the table and his cup of iced Americano in front of him. “Finals are a pain, aren’t they?” 

“They definitely are,” Y/N said, only giving him a look before going back to her laptop. Even though Esmée and Seungyoun could talk nonstop for hours, it didn’t work the same for Seungyoun and Y/N. He knows they are friends because Y/N has said so several times… But he might be just a little afraid of her. “But they aren’t kicking my ass this year. Your best friend is.” 

“My best friend? Esmée?” Seungyoun frowned in confusion as he looked at her. 

“No, idiot. That’s my best friend. Think again,” she rolled her eyes, still typing. She only stopped when Seungyoun finally guessed the correct name - Seungwoo - and asked her what he had done wrong now. Y/N siped from her latte. “This stupid research we’re doing together. I’m allergic to pepper, you know? Do you know how spicy Korean food is?” He raised an eyebrow, pointed to himself and Y/N just nodded. “Of course you do, you’re also Korean.” 

“Why did you agree to all the taste testing thing then? I’m sure Seungwoo wouldn’t force feed you spicy topokki.” 

“Because I’m an idiot, that’s why,” she rolled her eyes, finally put the cup down and went back to working on her paper. “And because your best friend has very long legs, very long arms, very long fingers, and a very nice looking stupid face.” 

Seungyoun made a face, raising his cup and finally fishing his phone from his pocket. When he was about to type something, Y/N was staring at him again. 

“If you ever tell Esmée I said any of this, I’m going to murder you.” 

He just kept looking at her, cell phone in one hand, his drink on the other. His thumb moved slightly to the corner of the screen, probably to press send on something. Seungyoun shrugged and shoved his phone in his pocket, quickly picking up his books to leave. “I don’t know any Esmées,” he said as he tried his best to wave while holding books and a cup of coffee. 

Y/N just groaned, rubbing her hands over her own face. The moment Seungyoun went through the doors and left the coffee shop, she heard the ding from her phone. And it went on for at least ten more texts. She was about to murder two language nerds. 

x

Esmée was 95% sure that Seungyoun was dead by now after sending her that text, letting her know that Y/N was talking about Seungwoo with heart eyes and talking about his stupid good looking face and etc. She should congratulate him on his courage later that day. 

Right now she had a phone call to make.

She had gotten Seungwoo’s number ages ago, the day they met, to keep in touch in case they ever wanted to go to the movies together again. Now, going through the isles of food at the supermarket, she decided it was the best time to call and let him know there would be a party happening. Esmée and Seungyoun had come up with a plan and they were both sure it was going to work. 

He picked up after the fourth ring. 

“Hey, Es!” he said, soft voice and all. “Is everything okay?” 

“Oh, everything is awesome. Just a bit tired,” her smile obvious on her voice. “Finals are so exhausting.” 

“Tell me about it… I just went through so many horrible presentations,” he laughed. Everything was so soft about Seungwoo that sometimes Esmée couldn’t tell how Y/N felt for him - sometimes opposites do attract. 

“Wanna forget all about them on Friday?” Esmée saw the opportunity and took it. And then instantly regretted it when she noticed it sounded like she was inviting him out on a date. “I mean…” she quickly added. “Seungyoun, Y/N and I are going to this party at Moment. It’s a very nice club.” 

“A party? I’m not really that type of person…” he started and Esmée could see the confused face right in front of her. She rolled her eyes, this is what she gets for trying to get Y/N a man. 

“It’s going to be awesome! And Y/N is going to be there…” she paused for effect, throwing a bag of chocolate-covered cookies into her shopping card. “Seungyoun and I will also be there, of course. They have some mean… Tequila Sunrises,” she frowned at her choice of words. 

“I’ll give it some thought,” he laughed a bit nervously from his end of the phone call. 

“Great! Some thought is great,” she said, now looking at frozen food options. “Talk to you tomorrow then, bye Seungwoo!” Esmée quickly hung up, shoving her phone into her back pocket and picking up three different types of frozen pizza. 

Only then she remembered to text Seungyoun. 

Horrible idea. We’re never doing phone call plans again. -EM

Did he say no? -CSY 

Not really. He said he will give it some thought or whatever. It’s on you now. -EM And you owe me. Two drinks. -EM

Wait… Weren’t you the one who asked me for this favor? -CSY 

Well, you came up with the plan. -EM 

Not sure how fair this sounds… but sure. -CSY 

Finally shoving her phone back into her back pocket, Esmée moved on with her shopping. She would get Seungwoo on that club on Friday. Even if she had to make three more phone calls until then - or maybe two… yeah, two only. Two is a good number. 

x

And then Thursday came, and another lunch that Seungwoo and Y/N would share together also came. Esmée calls them work-dates, Seungyoun calls them lunch-dates, Y/N and Seungwoo call them research. But on the inside, both might wish that they were something more - one more deep down than the other. 

It was an Italian restaurant today - for Y/N’s sake - and they’d be having cappelletti soup. The recipe happened to be the closest she could find to a mandu in Italian cuisine, which was the chapter they were on now. They had already covered spaghetti, risottos and some meat cuts. The sauces was the hardest for Y/N and she was already dreading the side dishes because kimchi was on its way. 

Esmée had brought a container home once that Seungyoun’s mom had sent her. According to her friend it was delicious, she finished it in a week, but Y/N tried a bit and had to chug an entire glass of milk. She wasn’t a very reliable source to ask how spicy something is anyway. 

They had already had their salads and were drinking a glass of wine each. Seungwoo had gotten there first and got them a table at the corner of this very tiny and homey Italian place. He had his legs crossed, his shirt had an extra button opened and Y/N was sure her cheeks were blushing because of the wine. She had been so stressed the past week with finals, her assistant being as incompetent as possible and her students asking stupid questions that finally being able to relax definitely came in handy. Relax staring at Seungwoo’s extra opened button was just a bonus she was willing to live with. 

“You know,” he started, making Y/N look from her glass up to him. The hair falling on his face, as usual, the point beautiful nose and the ridiculous smile. Maybe she should also stop drinking. “Esmée and Seungyoun keep insisting I go to this party with you guys tomorrow…” 

And there it was. Her best friend and her stupid nerd friend to ruin the moment. 

“Oh, do they? We’re going to Moment tomorrow. It’s a club Es and I usually go to when we want to relax. The music is good, we rarely meet students and the drinks are pretty good since she doesn’t really drink beer,” she started rambling, leaning back and bringing her glass in her hand. “Finals have been so hard on us she thought it would be a good idea to have a little fun.” 

“It sounds like a nice place,” he smiled, drinking some water and giving the waiter a smile as he placed both their plates down and thanking him for it. “Seungyoun texted me all night about it,” he stopped for a moment to blow on his soup a little so it wasn’t so hot and Y/N remembered what she had told Seungyoun the day before. She blushed even deeper, finishing her glass of wine in one sip before Seungwoo could continue. “I think he doesn’t want to look stupid in front of Esmée.” 

And then Y/N almost spit everything. The woman swallowed thickly, eyes wide as she looked at Seungwoo. “He always does, tho?” She straightened her posture, starting to pay attention to her soup now - the same as Seungwoo. “I mean… I do call them language nerds for a reason.”  

“I know… I mean, it came off as really weird when he told me he needed me there because of her,” he shrugged and then Y/N finally got it. So Esmée had recruited Seungyoun to help her convince Seungwoo to go to the party on Friday… And Seungyoun being the idiot he is for her best friend definitely said yes.

She nodded, taking a bite from her food. “Mhm, it definitely sounds a bit weird, but isn’t he your best friend? You should help him with girl problems,” she moved to drink some water, eyes still on Seungwoo. 

The man had his eyes on the soup, gave it some thought and looked up with a smile. “He doesn’t really help me with mine though,” he scrunched his nose and let himself laugh. “He actually makes it more difficult,” Seungwoo added and sipped from his wine. 

Y/N let herself laugh, but couldn’t help but think what Seungwoo meant with those words. They talked a lot more about the food then as they compared it with the mandu they had had a few days ago - Y/N took out her iPad with her notes, Seungwoo his little notebook. After lunch was over and they had made new notes on what to add to their research, they walked back to campus together - Seungwoo had some orientation to give, Y/N had her last final of the week to deal with. 

They were on the hallway parting way when Seungwoo turned around and waved at her. “See you tomorrow night!” he said, a huge smile on his lips. 

Y/N smiled back, waving quickly. “See you!” she wanted to add something more. Maybe I can’t wait! or I’m super excited, are you? or You’re going to love the club! but all she did was turn around, bite on her lower lip and quickly move to her next class. She would have to make Seungyoun talk about this girl problem that he isn’t really helping Seungwoo with. 

And the best way to get him talking lives a few floors above her. 

x

At night, Y/N made her way up to the fifteenth floor. Her plan was to bother Esmée so much she would facetime Seungyoun to get the answer she need. Who was Seungwoo in love with? Why does he need help with girl problems? Who’s this girl, anyway? Her head was flooding with questions as she waited for the elevator to reach the correct floor. She had her hair tied up and wasn’t even wearing shoes - just socks and slippers. 

She heard a weird noise when she knocked, as if Esmée was shushing someone but didn’t think much of it. “Oh, it’s you,” she said, stepping out and closing the door behind her. “Shoot.” 

Y/N frowned, looking at the closed door behind her best friend. Maybe she had someone over - which didn’t make sense because Esmée made sure to always share every tiny detail of her life with Y/N. The Italian cuisine professor even knows about Esmée’s brother first trip to a motel, why wouldn’t she know about someone coming over on a Thursday night? She shrugged it off and got her business face on. “I need you to call Seungyoun. I need some answers to some stuff.” 

“Now?” Esmée looked both confused and surprised. “What sort of answers?” 

“Seungwoo related answered. The type of answer only Seungyoun can give me,” she started talking with the help of her hands. “We went out for lunch today and he told me he has been having girl problems that Seungyoun isn’t helping him with. Which makes him a crappy best friend, but okay.” 

As if on cue, the professor yelled from inside of Esmée’s apartment. “He doesn’t have any girl problems I know of!” 

“Didn’t I tell you to be quiet?” Esmée finally pushed the door open, giving him a face before turning back to Y/N with a smile. “Well, you can ask him… I guess. Wine?” she said as she walked in, ignoring Y/N’s look and knowing smile, as she pushed her best friend in by the arm. 

Seungyoun had his glasses on, his longish hair a mess and a laptop on his lap. The scene wasn’t really what Y/N expected - or maybe it was what she hoped for? - there were zero linguistics books on the coffee table, only two glasses of wine and their phones. They had paused whatever was on the TV so Esmée could get the door and German subtitles were on. She couldn’t really see what was there on Seungyoun’s laptop screen because he closed it when she got closer. 

“He told me he has girl problems you’re not helping him with though…” Y/N added, sitting right next to him on the couch. Esmée almost groaned from the kitchen, she loves her best friend but today was so not the day. She came back with a clean glass and filled it up with wine for Y/N. 

Seungyoun gave Y/N a look and then Esmée, who had sat down on an armchair and signaled for him to answer. “As far as I know, he’s in love with his research. He likes going to this little lunch-dates with you and is always talking about the similarities you two are finding together. I even know you guys had lunch together today,” he adjusted his glasses, pointing at Y/N. “You’re literally the only woman he talks about. And as far as I can tell, there aren’t any girl problems going on or whatever.” 

Esmée was just quietly drinking her wine, watching them talk. Seungyoun had come over after Seungwoo had told him he was going to the club with them. He apparently owed the girl two drinks and that’s why he showed up with two bottles of wine and pizza. Half-cheese, half-pepperoni. Extra cheese on everything. It took them a while to choose what to watch, but settled for The Witcher - the German subtitles were only there because it was the language Esmée was trying to learn now. Seungyoun had just managed the courage to wrap his arm around her shoulders when Y/N knocked on the door. 

The woman was watching her best friend and her crush talk, but her eyes were mostly on Seungyoun as she drank her wine. 

“Did he say yes to going to the club anyway?” Y/N said, finally looking at Esmée - who almost jumped out of her seat. 

“Mhm, he texted Seungyoun earlier about it. He’s going to meet him earlier and we’re going to meet them there. Wear something cute,” she winked at her best friend and Y/N almost threw her wine at Esmée. 

Finishing another glass in stress that day, Y/N stood up and moved to the door. “I’m gonna let you two go back to… whatever you two were doing with your clothes still on,” she said, which made Seungyoun’s cheeks go bright red and Esmée roll her eyes. “See you tomorrow!” Y/N added as Esmée pushed her past the door. “Behave!” The last word came as a yell from outside of the apartment as Esmée closed the door on her face. 

Y/N went back to her own apartment a bit more confused than she had been before talking to Seungyoun. So Seungwoo didn’t really have girl problems? Why did he mention it, then? Why does he tell Seungyoun everything about their lunches together? 

When she was finally inside her place, she texted Esmée. 

You’re so dead for not telling me Seungyoun would be coming over. -Y/N

The reply came pretty fast. 

He showed up. I didn’t actually invite him. -EM 

So maybe they weren’t really doing what Y/N thought they were. Maybe the two idiots are really just two idiots. 

Putting a frozen pizza on the oven, she moved to her room to figure out what to wear at Moment the next day. Seungwoo was going to be there and she hoped for all things holy that he would be alone for most of it - or alone with her. 

x

Friday flew by. 

She had driven with Esmée to the campus that morning and was a bit surprised that Seungyoun hadn’t spent the night over. Y/N didn’t ask since her friend apparently wasn’t willing to talk much about it. Maybe she was still figuring out her obvious feelings for him. 

Thinking about it, Y/N couldn’t help but think of both of them as two idiots in love. Esmée and her friendship turned into something else and Y/N with that research as an excuse to go on date after date with Seungwoo. 

They had stopped for coffee on their way into the campus and that was the last time she saw Esmée that day. The younger professor ordered a matcha latte and vanished into her department, while Y/N had to walk a few extra buildings holding her salt caramel machiatto to get into hers. 

She didn’t hear much from Seungyoun or Seungwoo too. She saw the Korean cuisine professor quick in the hallway and then never again and she was sure she had seen Seungyoun at a bistro during lunch, but she waved and he didn’t really wave back. 

With the night getting closer and closer, Y/N started to feel both excited and anxious. This had been a horrible idea. Why did she dare Esmée to do anything? Or course her best friend would find a way to get Seungwoo to go to the damn party. Why did she even agree to go to this stupid club? They’re all way too old for this. It would have been better to stay home and drink a few bottles of wine. 

Those were her thoughts inside the Uber on her way home. She was going to text Esmée and let her know that she wouldn’t be able to go. Would the sick excuse fool her friend? Probably not, but Y/N would have to try. 

If you bail, I’m going to hate you forever. -EM 

Was the text Esmée sent her the moment Y/N stepped foot at home. 

How did you know? - Y/N 

You didn’t say anything about going to the party for the entire afternoon. I just assumed. Now I know. -EM 

Damn. -Y/N 

She left her phone and bag on the couch, moving to take a shower. After washing her hair and drying it, Y/N went back to texting Esmée. She let her friend know she would be going to the party anyway, she just needed to relax a little. The whole Seungwoo has girl problems thing was maybe getting to her a bit harder than she had expected. 

Esmée made sure to reassure her friend, reminding her that Seungyoun had mentioned that Y/N is the only one Seungwoo talks about. Maybe he was just teasing her during lunch, playing a little. Who knows? She would have to go to find out, according to Esmée. Seungyoun had made sure that Seungwoo would be there. 

After a heated up risotto for Y/N and a plate of nuggets for Esmée, the girls met at the hall of their building a little bit after ten. 

Y/N was wearing boots, shorts and a sleeveless shirt. She had a heavy black coat on top of everything. Her colorful hair wasn’t styled, she had decided to just let it be and she had some light makeup on. Definitely different than the Y/N the department at NYU is used to, but not Esmée. She has seen her friend out several times and that’s her usual club attire. Esmée also had boots on, but had opted for a midi-skirt and a cropped top. A brown coat covered her clothes and her hair was styled with a few pins. She also had light makeup around her eyes, but was wearing red lipstick. 

“Looking good,” Esmée said, pointing at Y/N. 

“Don’t I always?” Y/N said, making Esmée roll her eyes a little. The one in the brown coat already had her phone in hand to get them a car to go to the club. She was also checking in with Seungyoun, trying to figure out where the two men were. 

“The car will be here in five,” she said, giving Y/N a smile. “Ready?” 

“Not really. I had two glasses of wine before coming down,” she gave Esmée a guilty smile, which only made her friend laugh. 

“You’re impossible.” 

The drive from their building to the club was quiet. Esmée was texting Seungyoun and Y/N kept checking her phone for anything, anything really, that would take her mind out of Seungwoo actually being there that night. Getting out of the car, Esmée informed her that the men were waiting for them inside and simply grabbed Y/N by the hand to guide her to the door. 

They left their coats at the entrance and Esmée had her hand around Y/N’s wrist again, dragging her friend to the spot Seungyoun had mentioned they were. Close to the bar, but not really. Closer to the dancefloor than expected. Gangsta by Kehlani was playing and Y/N couldn’t believe her eyes when she finally saw the two men.

Seungyoun was in ripped black jeans, a flowery shirt and messy hair. He had different glasses on and that shirt was doing his shoulder justice. Esmée finally let go of her and rushed to her language nerd, wrapping her arms around him and quickly stealing his drink - just to give back the next second, making a face, complaining about the strong taste. 

Seungwoo was in leather pants. Leather pants. Y/N wanted to die. Whose idea was that, she wanted to ask. It was probably Seungyoun’s, right? She was going to kill him. As if the pants weren’t enough, he also was wearing a sleeveless shirt and boots. His hair was up and she could see his eyes and forehead. A shot on the face would have hurt less. 

“Hey!” he waved, giving her a smile. And then Y/N remembered to breathe. 

“Hi!” she got closer so they could talk. The song was loud and Y/N’s mind was obviously going some very dark places whenever she heard I need a gangsta echoing in the club. 

“I guess I can’t get you a coffee here,” he added, making a face. Which just made Y/N’s heart sink a bit more. “But I can offer you a drink.” 

She laughed, biting on the corner of her lower lip. “I’d love a Cosmopolitan,” she shrugged, looking down at his hand to check out his drink. She was a bit clever than her best friend, always asking before drinking. “What are you drinking?” 

“Oh, Gin,” he shrugged. “Seungyoun ordered for the both of us. I usually drink Margaritas.” 

Y/N leaned her head to the side in confusion for a moment, letting herself laugh and smile at him. “Margaritas? I really didn’t see that coming.” 

“There’s more of what that came from,” he winked, taking her hand. “Come on, let’s get your drink,” he added, pulling her towards the bar. Y/N let herself follow, eyes a bit wide in surprise still. Maybe someone had kidnapped Seungwoo and replaced him with this almost exact copy. 

This couldn’t be the professor that would come to her room with coffee every other day, that went out to lunch dates with her, that smiled shyly and rarely looked her in the eyes. But then again… She wasn’t wearing what she usually wears to work either. And she definitely doesn’t behave the same at a club. 

She could just hope the Cosmopolitan would make everything make sense. 

When they went back to the spot they had met, Esmée and Seungyoun were nowhere to be seen but Y/N had her Cosmopolitan, Seungwoo had another Gin and Tonic and they both were determinate to make this night worth something. A song both didn’t know was playing, but Y/N pointed towards the dance floor anyway and Seungwoo just followed. 

In which part of the year pop music had become so… groovy, they couldn’t really tell. But it just made it horrible to bear when Y/N noticed that Seungwoo knows damn well what to do with his body on the dance floor. The man was moving his hips to the song, having his little moment right in front of her, a smile on his lips as he pushed his hair back and nodded for her to dance too. 

With two glasses of wine and half a Cosmopolitan on her mind, all Y/N could do is move closer and dance with Seungwoo. 

A song went by and then maybe another and a few more… And now there were no space between their bodies. Y/N had finished her drink and now Seungwoo’s neck seemed very inviting, maybe a little too much. And she was so close… One of his hands on her lower back, the other holding his drink, his body pressing against hers…

But then she heard a familiar voice. 

Karma is a bitch. 

“Not this kind of person, uh?” Esmée could be heard over the song that was playing. Y/N reluctantly leaned back, giving her friend the look. 

Esmée was holding what looked like a tequila sunrise - or maybe a sex on the beach? Y/N couldn’t really tell - and her lipstick was gone. Gone to Seungyoun’s neck, collar and cheek to be more exact. At least her friend had the decency of taking it off somewhere else before smudging it all over his mouth probably. 

Seungwoo just gave them a smile, noticing Seungyoun’s hand on Esmée’s. “I’m not… I mean, at least not on Wednesdays?” he tried, making Esmée laugh. The professor just nodded, winking at him and then leaning closer to Y/N. 

“Seungyoun told me you’re the girl problem,” she tried to whisper, but with Esmée a whisper is never a whisper. Then she leaned back, winked again and they both vanished again. 

When Y/N turned around again, she was sure Seungwoo had heard her best friend. 

“So what are you going to do about that?” he made a face, taking his drink to his lips as he watched her, hand still placed on her lower back. 

“It depends. Is it a good girl problem or am I too much to handle?” she raised an eyebrow, free hand moving from his chest to his shoulder as she looked up at him. 

“Both?” he let himself laugh. “You’re too much to handle. But at the same time… You went to all of those Korean restaurants when you can’t even eat pepper…” he pressed his lips together, hiding a knowing smile. 

Y/N was confused, then surprised, maybe a little horrified and then had murder on her eyes. Seungyoun and Esmée were dead. “A student told me,” Seungwoo added. So maybe her best friend could live. 

“Ugh… I feel like an idiot now…” she tried to take a step back, but Seungwoo held her in place. He wanted to tell her that she wasn’t an idiot, that the only reason he proposed the research was to spend time with her and because he, the real idiot here, couldn’t find a way to properly ask her out. 

“All the dates were great though,” he added. A smile on his lips. A bit more drunk than he expected, but who wouldn’t be after four drinks. 

“So we’re finally calling them dates now?” she laughed, also a little drunker than expected. Maybe mixing wine and cosmopolitans wasn’t a good idea. 

A look from him, a smile from her, a pout from him and a laugh from her was all it took. Soon Y/N was tiptoeing a little, Seungwoo leaning down a little and they were met halfway for a kiss.

If only they weren’t holding those stupid drinks was on Y/N’s mind. If only they weren’t in this stupid club was on Seungwoo’s mind. But the kiss was passionate, a bit drunk and definitely an experience for both. Y/N had her free hand on his hair, he might have lowered his a bit more. Both would remember this the next day and regret it a little. 

A kiss turned into two, into three and into something else. When they both leaned back, there was an obvious blissful smile on both their faces. Seungwoo took their empty glasses to the nearest surface available and got them two more, going back to Y/N on the dance floor as fast as possible. 

He was met with the woman he had just kissed, Esmée and Seungyoun again. His best friend had gotten rid of some of the lipstick stains on his neck, but one was still there. He just shrugged when Seungwoo pointed it out, shaking his head at Seungyoun. 

They enjoyed the party until it ended. A few kisses here and there, sometimes a couple would vanish, but they would always find each other again. On the dance floor. Drunkenly dancing to whatever pop song was playing. 

x

The next morning Y/N woke up with a pounding headache, the light coming in from the window and a very tall sleeping body right next to her. She sat up and looked around, pulling the blanket up to cover her own body. She was in her room, that’s for sure, and Seungwoo was sleeping silently right next to her. Their clothes were all over the room - she could see her bra hanging on her bedside lamp - and maybe, just maybe, she felt like she wanted to die. Of embarrassment. 

She sneaked out of her own room, making sure to take the first shirt and shorts she saw with her… Which ended up being her shorts and Seungwoo’s shirt, and then moved to her living room. Y/N had no idea where she had left her phone or even her purse… And she couldn’t just run away from her apartment. How could two professors make a scene like that? Grinding on the dance floor, kissing like two stupid teenagers, going home together, flirting and teasing… She should’ve just asked him out a few months ago when this all started. 

Y/N didn’t really regret kissing Seungwoo or taking him home. She just felt embarrassed for being an idiot this entire time. And he knew she was allergic to pepper! Of all things. With a groan, she left a note on the bedside table, it read: “I went to Es’s to grab us breakfast. She lives on the 15th. Be right back.” It was obviously an excuse, but it had to be made. 

When she reached the fifteenth floor she knocked and knocked and knocked and no one answered. She then rang the bell and still nothing, nada. Maybe she should have checked if Esmée had slept home before going all the way up and leaving a note. Dreading having to face Seungwoo without breakfast in hands, Y/N made a quick run to the bakery right in front of their building and bought them two muffins and some coffee. That’s her pocket money could buy anyway. 

Walking in, she heard the shower running and thank all gods for that. It gave her time to get rid of the bakery bag and plate the muffins and the coffee. She then went on a mission to find her phone - which she did, right when the shower stopped, under her bed. She texted Esmée and quickly went back to the living room, tying her hair up. 

“Hey, have you seen my… Well, there it is,” Seungwoo was looking for his t-shirt, now dressed in nothing but the pants he had been wearing the night before, his hair all wet and covering his eyes as usual. She chuckled at her as Y/N blushed. 

“I went on a breakfast run,” she said, quickly moving to her bedroom. “I just took the first one I found and…” 

Seungwoo cut her off by holding her wrist. “It’s fine. Let’s eat first… If it’s okay with you? I have this major headache.” 

Y/N groaned and quickly moved back to the kitchen, pulling Seungwoo with her. “Me too. I have this one rule that says I should never mix types of drinks but I always break it and always regret it the next day,” she rolled her eyes at herself, sitting on the stool and pointing at the one next one for Seungwoo to sit. She passed him the muffing and the coffee. “I finally got to buy you coffee,” she said, making a face. 

Seungwoo let himself laugh, shaking his head and drinking from his mocha. “I’m sorry if I said anything stupid last night… I promise I’m intelligent when I’m sober,” he added, slicing his muffing in pieces so he could eat it. 

Y/N laughed, shaking his head a little. “Oh, trust me. I’ve said my fair share of stupid too. All will be forgiven if you ask me out on a proper date though. No research involved,” she said, pressing her lips together before moving to face her own coffee and muffin. 

The man next to her gave it some thought, probably trying to figure out where to take her, or maybe trying to think between the headache and the embarrassment from the night before. That’s when Y/N’s phone made a ding, letting her know there was a text. It was a photo from Esmée of a very very sleepy Seungyoun, messy long hair all over the place, and the caption said ‘obviously not home, obviously sleeping’ to answer Y/N’s where are you???? from earlier. 

“We can go to an Arabian restaurant,” he said while she was checking her phone. “I know a very nice place that sells great food. I promise it’s not spicy,” he added, making her blush and roll her eyes. 

“I didn’t plan on trying every single Korean dish you offered me, okay? Just so you know. It was your stupid smile’s fault,” she shoved a piece of muffin in her mouth to keep it shut. 

“Good to know,” he laughed, sipping from his coffee. “So, it’s a date then? Tonight?” 

Y/N gave it some thought and checked her phone again, drank from her coffee and looked up at him. “It’s a date. A real one.” 

“Which one are we going to count as our first date though? This one or the one at Cho Dang Gol?” he raised an eyebrow, a bit confused. 

A little discussion erupted. Y/N wanted to count the one at the Korean restaurant as their first date, Seungwoo thought about counting this one at this other restaurant - an Italian one now - as their first because that’s when he realized he was in love. Then both thought maybe the Arabian place would be better. In the end, they settled for the campus cafeteria because that’s where they first sat down to discuss their research. 

“Are we four months in then?” Y/N said, eyes wide in surprise. 

“Wow. I so have to tell my dad about this,” Seungwoo joked, getting slapped by Y/N as she rolled her eyes. 

He pulled her stool closer and gave her a forehead kiss, to which she smiled and even blushed a little. Maybe letting Seungwoo know about her feelings wasn’t so bad, she would have to think about it again when she has forgotten about everything they did while drunk the night before. 

But one thing she knew for sure: that had been the most stressful, yet best finals week of her career. 

[halcyonnhood]

Sight and Sound [5sos fanfic] Ch.2

Authors note: Sorry it took me a billion years to get this up, hopefully I’ll keep the inspiration and update faster. Anyway, enjoy! I always enjoy feedback, even if it’s sent in asks :) this is SHIT.

Previous chapters: [one]

Chapter Two

“I'm Ashton,” He greets.

Upon recognizing that he looks familiar, I don't say anything and just look at Diana who has the same amount of surprise written across her features. I decide on keeping quiet, at least until I can remember where I know him from to save myself from embarrassment. As I wait for the rest to finish introducing themselves, I mindlessly run my fingers across the cut on my cheek to check it’s still bleeding. Sadly, it is.

“Luke,” Luke attempts a smile down at me.

If I can say anything about that boy, it's that he has really nice hair. His blonde curls frame his face perfectly and it brings out the ocean blue in his eyes.

“I'm Michael,” The next boy introduces himself. He has pastel pink hair and it reminds me of both fluffy cotton candy and bubblegum. Better yet, it has the sweet pink hue of rosé. It makes a perfect comparison because wine -or any alcohol- could be useful right about now.

After my fixation on Michael's hair, my gaze slides to the last person standing before us. His eyes are dark and focused on us intensely, his brown hair tousled in different directions, and his brown skin tone looks outstanding in the dim lighting of the house. Instead of introducing himself, he just huffs and turns on his heel to walk away. I look up at Ashton, the shock apparently clear.

“That's Calum,” Ashton tells us, “He'll warm up to you guys, I'm sure.”

“Fair enough, I guess.” Diana nods in agreement of his statement. “I'm Diana,”

“Pretty name,” Michael gives her a smile.

“I'm Tenley,” I add quickly to get my introduction over with.

“That's unique,” Ashton hums with another grin. Such a happy person for grim times. “We should really get you cleaned up then, Tenley. We can use the bathroom upstairs since Calum is being a grump,”

Ashton turns to lead me towards the bathroom and as I follow, I can hear Michael asking Diana if she had been injured at all. While following this newfound friend up the stairs, I realize that the house is huge compared to my measly one bedroom apartment. Even the bathroom that he presents to me is double the size of my own and this is only one of their restrooms. Ashton just hums to himself as he opens a few cabinets and places the items he grabbed onto the counter.

“Tenley,” He announces. “We have a problem”

“Which would be?” I furrow my brows at him

“We have no peroxide. Only alcohol and with cuts that deep, it'll burn like satans asshole after he had taco bell,” He cracks a grin.

“It sounds like you've had experience with Satan's asshole,” I laugh at his analogy.

“Oh god!” He groans dramatically. “Have you ever thrown up seven shots of tequila? Let me tell you, I was on FIRE.”

I end up laughing again as he wipes the blood off of my face with a washcloth. I stay quiet as he tries to gently clean the wounds with soap, now and then just wincing in discomfort. Even though Ashton is bubbly and warm, I wish it was Matthias taking care of me instead of a complete stranger. I'd rather be safely wrapped in his arms and the fact that it will never happen again nearly shatters me. But this boy is kind and gentle, so I shouldn't complain too much. After a moment, Ashton just leans my head to the left and then slowly pours the alcohol onto the wound.

“FUCK,” I hiss at the burning sensation spreading across my cheek.

“See, I told you. Satan's asshole” Ashton laughs again. He then just goes about putting ointment on it and a bandage, then doing the same for my hand.

“Your friend, Calum…” I frown slightly. “He doesn't want us here, does he?”

“He's stressed, that's all. We heard about it hitting the east coast yesterday and he spent the entire day boarding up his house. We're terrified of losing each other and adding new people makes it hard.”

“I didn't mean to intrude,”

“You aren't, Tenley. I'm the one who went out to get you.” He shakes his head with a slight chuckle. “Now, are you hungry?”

Ashton leads me back down the stairs and to the kitchen where the rest are gathered around the island. I'm a bit shocked to find Calum standing there with them, but he stays serious and silent. Luke hands me a plate full of pasta and I give him a grateful smile, before savoring the starchy goodness smothered in marinara sauce. Ashton leans against the counter next to me and immediately joins in on the small talk with the boys, while I stick to eating and observing. Apparently, I miss something, because Ashton nudges me in the side and I look up to find everyone staring at me.

“Huh?” I raise an eyebrow in confusion.

“I asked if you had any family around here,” Calum says flatly and I can't help but widen my eyes at the fact that he's speaking.

“I-well” I look down and take a deep breath “My older brother Matthias,”

“Where is he?”

The question catches both Diana and me off guard and she looks at me with a frown, but she doesn't say anything.

“Matt is dead,” I whisper and finally break eye contact with Diana. “He died right before you guys found us,”

“Oh, Tenley” Ashton murmurs from behind me and he places a hand on my shoulder.

“It is what it is,” I set my plate down and look back up at Calum. His eyes are still just as dark and hard, no reaction whatsoever. It makes me wonder if he has a heart. “I think I'm gonna go wash up,”

“Just yell down here if you need anything” Ashton squeezes my shoulder lightly before I turn to find my way back to the bathroom.

I keep telling myself that Calum only asked because the overall conversation was focused on family, but the emotionless expression is what upsets me. I'm in pain and trying to hide it and he can act like it's nothing at all, even the others could pretend to show sympathy. The cool tile feels nice against my palms as I lean against the tub, the size of the room still surprising me. It reminds me that I'm in this house with four people I don't know and they're more affluent than I could ever be in this lifetime. Especially now that our time on this earth is limited by some invisible demon. Knocking echoes throughout the room and I ignore it in hopes of being left alone, but instead the door cracks open and Luke peeks inside.

“Is it okay if I come in?” he questions softly.

“I guess” I shrug at him.

Luke comes in and sits down on the floor next to me, then sets a small pile of clothes on my lap. I just give him a small smile and run my fingers over the soft sweatshirt fabric. We sit in silence for a little while until I look back up at the curly-headed boy.

“You know,” I gesture to the sweatshirt, “This will look like a dress on me”

“I hear it's the new trend,” He laughs “Everyone is trying to get their hands on a sweatshirt dress”

“I can see why! It's stunning!” I exclaim dramatically.

“You know, you handle things better than I do” Luke sighs.

“How so?”

“You're so...Bright and funny. I was a weepy and emotional wreck” He tells me with a frown.

“Did you lose someone?” I scrunch my eyebrows at him. This just started today on the west coast.

“My whole family,” He sighs and looks down. “My girlfriend, Sierra. I'm from Australia, so my family was there when it first hit. Sierra was in London with friends,”

“I'm so sorry,”

“As you said, it is what it is. We all lost important people, all of our families lived in Australia. We didn't watch our family die though.”

/   /   /

By the end of the night, I discover that the sweatshirt is soft and smells like his cologne. Now I wear it as an actual dress since it falls down to my knees and Luke's sweatpants fall off my waist even after tying them tightly. I sit in their living room with the boys and Diana cuddled warmly into my side while watching the first Avengers movie with them. Michael had insisted that we start from the beginning so we understand it adequately and I agreed even though I really wanted to watch Luke's box set of friends. But after the debate, he leaned in and told me we would watch it after everyone goes to sleep.

“WHAT NO,” I gasp at the tv “HE SEEMS SO NICE”

“Everyone loves Phil Coulson,” Ashton grins at me.

“I hate Loki,” I pout at him over the death of Coulson.

“I'm actually quite fond of the trickster god,” He smirks mischievously at me, “He only gets better after this movie”

“I see that evil smile, that's why you like him!” I gasp.

When I wake up groggy and confused, all the lights in the living room are off except for one dim side lamp and I realize I must have fallen asleep during the movie. Diana is no longer cuddled up next to me and it makes me feel lonely and colder. Then I look up to find Calum standing over me with an unraveled blanket in his hands and his gaze meets my own.

“What time is it?” I rub my left eye with a yawn.

“2 am,” He tells me before covering me up with the blanket.

“Thanks” I give him a sleepy grin while pulling the blanket around me and snuggling into it. He now stands in the doorway and just nods at me.

“Go back to sleep,”

“Wait...Calum” I frown slightly. “Can you stay in here?”

“Yeah,” He nods and lays down on the couch beside mine.

“Thank you,” I tell him again gratefully.

“Goodnight, Tenley.”

Tags: @5sos-luna @bodaciousidiot @nicholerodz @spaghettirogers (If you wanna be tagged, just ask!)

[anotheruserwithnoname]

Thoughts on The Orville 2x03 “Home”

In case you missed the headline, I’ll be giving some thoughts about the latest episode of The Orville, so I’m going straight into a spoiler break since this was a watershed episode for the series. (Also, it’s a long review.)

The non-spoiler tl;dr - The Orville delivers its best episode to date - beautiful, intense and sad. If this was a Trek episode it’d be ranked in the top echelons.

“Home” was the episode some Orville fans were dreading. That’s because since last summer there had been rumours that Halston Sage, who plays security officer Alara Kitan, would be leaving the show early in the season. Lots of rumours as to why - some negative ones connecting it to her briefly dating the show’s creator and star, Seth MacFarlane; other, more realistic ones, suggesting it was due to her being committed to movie work - there was some talk last year about her possibly having been cast as the Dazzler in an upcoming X-Men Universe film (far as I know that has not been confirmed). The rumours were further amplified by reports of new cast members coming on to the show.

Regardless of the behind the scenes reasons, “Home” was the The Orville for the first time arriving at a moment experienced by Star Trek and Doctor Who and others - the departure of a major character who had become beloved by fans. Fortunately, Alara is not killed off. She is given a medical condition that makes it literally painful for her to remain aboard The Orville, but, while her departure is sad, it is still hopeful and of course the door is left wide open for her to return someday (Captain Ed Mercer pretty much says this on screen). So this wasn’t The Orville’s “Face the Raven”, but rather more its “Hell Bent”, to compare with the last departure that impacted me this much, that of Clara Oswald in Doctor Who Series 9.

Except the episode is in some respects far darker than “Hell Bent.” After a first half that proceeds at a leisurely pace and continues the show’s trend towards introspective, character-driven storytelling (which may prove to be its undoing if the ratings are any indication; the Nielsen families appear to be disinterested in a science fiction version of This is Us), the episode does one of the most abrupt 180-degree tonal turns I have ever seen. It goes from a rather straight family-dynamics drama as Alara tries to reconnect with her family - having returned home after learning that exposure to Earth gravity threatens to leave her unable to withstand the crushing gravity of her homeworld, a plot point springboarding from real-life issues astronauts have experienced after spending months in space - to a violent, revenge-horror story straight out of a Stephen King novella.

Viewers are lulled into a false sense of security as we get to enjoy a Star Trek doctors reunion as Robert Picardo (Voyager’s EMH, and here playing Alara’s father for the second time) teams up with John Billingsley (Dr. Phlox from Enterprise) - I have forgotten the character names so I’ll use the actors’ names here. The moment Billingsley is revealed as a villain by forcing Picardo at gunpoint to stick his hand into a vat of boiling sauce (leading to graphic injuries) is one of the most chilling things I have seen - because it was so unexpected (remember this is still technically considered a comedy series, and within the same hour we had Patrick Warburton appear in a thankfully-brief B-story plot as “comic relief alien of the week”). Although I shied away from comparing “Home” with “Face the Raven” a moment ago, the twist in this episode was in many ways as shocking and unexpected as the moment we realized that, after a rather light-hearted adventure, that Clara was going to die. The mood change is that sudden in “Home”, too. And the episode offers several moments where it is legitimately uncertain that Alara would survive. Recall that TNG had its own security chief who was killed off - Tasha Yar - so history could have repeated if MacFarlane wanted to revisit this as he’s revisited so many other aspects of TNG.

The villains’ motivations are clearly defined, if perhaps controversial to some viewers. As previously established in the episode “Firestorm”, Alara’s people are primarily academics, and Alara’s dad caused a scientific report by Billingsley’s son to be rejected. The son committed suicide after, and Billingsley and his wife have plotted to basically murder Alara’s dad and her family in revenge - but not before Alara’s dad publicly recants his rejection and they perform a bit of torture on his loved ones. (Including threatening to cut off one of Alara’s sister’s fingers with garden shears - remember this is still technically considered a comedy series.) Fortunately, Ed chooses that moment to arrive on the planet; it’s a bit of a deus ex machina, to be sure, but it comes across more as a relief than a plot device.

The rest of the episode turns into a fight-for-your-life scenario which has an unusually violent resolution, with Alara and her family pretty much on their own, due to her crewmates being restricted by the gravity of her homeworld. Ed, in particular, is gunned down by Billingsley, rupturing a special suit he wears to keep from being crushed by the gravity. While Alara fights off the couple, it’s up to her dad, injured arm and all, to get Ed to safety in time.

And then there’s the ending. After killing off the bad guys - the show pulls no punches on that - we get a hope spot as the Orville’s Dr. Finn has worked out a way for Alara to stay aboard the Orville (even though its description makes it sound more cruel to Alara than helpful). You expect the episode to end there, with status quo retained, but it continues and we suddenly learn that Alara has decided to stay with her family - having reconciled with them after surviving the attack. This actually felt like it was a last-minute addition to the episode, perhaps supporting the suggestion that Halston’s departure wasn’t planned in advance. But it works really well. For those who shipped Ed Mercer and Alara, there are a few things to hang on to, but for those who oppose the shipping, the episode also provides an alternative interpretation of Ed being seen as a surrogate father to Alara due to her inability to connect with her own. I won’t get into shipping debates right now; I’ll just say over season 1 and the start of 2 there’s plenty of evidence to support both sides.

Regardless, the final scene in which Ed opens a gift Alara leaves him - a jar of pickles - actually made me tear up. The only problem is that the whole running gag of Ed asking Alara to “open a jar of pickles for me” whenever he called upon her super-strength had actually been abandoned by the midpoint of season 1, which aired well over a year ago, though fans had kept it alive through fan art, etc. If they’d had Ed make the joke again in one of the first two episodes of Season 2, or even earlier in “Home” (there’s a scene where it would have fit, or Alara could have mentioned the joke to her family), it might have had more resonance for people who perhaps had only recently started watching. Without the context, it comes off as a bit of a non-sequitur. But, for someone who knows the context, it was a beautiful moment.

One major kudo has to go to the special effects. Xelaya is, without a doubt, one of the most beautifully rendered planets I’ve seen in televised sci-fi, certainly on par with the likes of Caprica on Battlestar Galactica (and that was mostly just Vancouver repurposed; it looks like the Xelayan city was all-CG). I was reminded in fact of some of the beautiful alien cityscapes of the Mass Effect video game series, especially Andromeda. It made me want to see more of the city - I was rather disappointed when they quickly moved the story to a quiet vacation island for the “family under siege” part of the story. My hope is that if they spent that much time, effort and budget on rendering Alara’s homeworld, it’s a sign they’ll be returning there again before long. There is also a beautiful sequence where Alara daydreams about riding the Xelayan equivalent of a wild horse. I mean - this is a beautiful-looking episode, top to bottom.

“Home” wasn’t a perfect episode; I like Patrick Warburton but I did not like his “Alara placeholder” alien character. And I mentioned my issue with the jar of pickles reference. And despite the claim that the episode was airing with fewer commercials it felt like there were more interruptions than usual (this episode probably will play better on DVD or streaming). But I still think this was the best episode the series has done so far. It has set a high bar, and aside from having lost one of its stronger characters (Alara was the heart and soul of "Firestorm”, my previous choice for best Orville episode, and was also involved closely in many of the show’s best moments), the series is going to have to work hard to reach it again. I will say that if you’re still unconvinced that Seth MacFarlane can step away from the whole Family Guy/Ted thing and deliver an episode that, had it been a TNG episode, would have been ranked among the top instalments of that series, “Home” might be enough to convince you that the guy is on to something.

[drlaurynlax]

What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body

Years Living With Processed Foods

How long have you been living with processed foods?

“Please help me go, please help me go” —a breath prayer I often said aloud for years while sitting in the Loo (i.e. on the toilet)—in the pit of discomfort!

I often just WANTED (and needed) to “go,” but, many times, I not able to “go” for days. 

Constipation is Real

Stuck—often times how I felt in my own skin. Stuck in my gut. Constipated. And like my body was at war, in my own skin. 

At age 26, even though I ate “healthy” (on paper), something was not right. 

Greens? Check.

Sweet potatoes? Check. 

Salmon? Check.

Almonds? Check.

Eggs? Check. 

Broccoli? Check. 

Coconut Butter and Coconut Oil? Check.

I was doing ALL the “right things,” so why did it have to hurt so much?

Answer: Healthy “being” goes far beyond diet alone. 

At least once you’ve been enlightened…

Exhibit A: Day 1 Nutrition School (You & I Are NOT Alone)

“Stand up and introduce yourself. What got you interested in studying nutrition?” the teacher said. 

One by one, my class of about 40 other aspiring nutrition therapy practitioners had to stand up and give their “elevator speech” as to why we were all sitting upright in the classroom, pen and paper in hand, eager, anxious and beaming with BIG vision, to learn how to save the world one  food myth at a time. 

As we went around the room sharing our stories, one by one, we also began to realize that…we were not alone. 

Many of my fellow classmates were survivors of the processed-food, antibiotic, vaccine, sedentary lifestyle and chronic disease generation, and somehow, had all lived to tell about it.

“My son was diagnosed with Autism, and the doctors told me there was nothing we could do about it except lots of therapies and behavior plans. So I did some research myself, and began to find stories about the brain-gut connection—how food can influence how we think and help kids with Autism. As a family, we started the GAPS diet, and my son, who was non-verbal, said his first words,” Charlotte said. 

“I was a vegetarian and vegan for over 15 years, and on the cusp of my 30th birthday, I got sick—really sick,” Lynan said. “My skin was pale, my hair started falling out, my nails were brittle, I was tired all the time, lost my period, and began experiencing bloating around meals all the time. Something wasn’t right. I thought it was something to do with my hormones, or maybe mono, or anemia, so I went to a doctor a friend recommended and he said nothing was wrong with me.

I just needed to eat meat again, telling me, “You know you are doing the same thing to your body that inhumane chicken and beef farms do to their animals—feeding them lots of grains and processed foods, restricting them from all the nutrients their bodies need to thrive. Your body needs balance,” …I was so desperate for anything to feel better, so I gave it a try, and within a matter of months, all my health problems went away. I got my period and energy back, the bloating subsided and I felt better than I had in those 15 years,” Lynan said.  

“I got terminal brain cancer. The doctors gave me 2, maybe 3 months, to live, and told me it had spread through every bone in my body and that there was nothing I could do,” Bob said, adding, “But then I looked on the nutrition label of the tube-feeding formula the healthcare company sent me, only to see the worlds ‘Nestle’ and ‘high fructose corn syrup’ on the ‘medicine’ meant to help me get the extra nutrients I needed, and I thought, ‘There’s got to be another way.’ So I decided to start juicing my own food and smoothies for my feeding tube, and just ate real food. Months later, I was completely cancer free and years later, I have a son they never told me I could have and I lived to tell about it. I want to help people,” Bob said. 

Mic drop. 

Nope. None of us were alone. 

What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body

We all have a story. Often times, multiple stories. That shape us for the better or the worse. Your stories are written via your life experiences, and chances are, when it comes to your health, you’ve had multiple experiences that have set the stage for where your body (and health markers) are today. 

Even if you “eat healthy” and “do all the right things” today, your past experiences paved way for the way you feel (or don’t feel) now.

I’m a Survivor

Hi, I am Lauryn and I am a survivor of the processed food, “take a Tylenol or Tums” (for everything), antibiotic, “drink juice as your water,” frozen broccoli (with cheese sauce), Lean-Cuisines-and-Quest-Bars are convenient (and healthy) generation.

 For the first 26 years of my life, my body didn’t see a real food—really. 

Sure, I ate Fiber One cereal, not Cookie Crisp, for breakfast.  Packed 99% lean turkey on whole wheat bread with pretzels (not chips) for lunch (with the special occasion Pizza Lunchable).  Noshed on apple slices (with Peter Pan peanut butter), or string cheese and whole grain Wheat Thins between meals, and I ate a low-fat dinner, including a protein, starch and veggie with a glass of milk most nights for dinner…but even though I was eating “healthy,” (according to Standard American Diet criteria), my body did not see a real food. 

Fast forward to my teens and college years, when I began to make my own food choices for myself, I looked to magazines, social media, and Google for advice on what to eat (and not eat), following hundreds of food rule under the sun. If it was deemed “healthy,” or “clean” by Shape or Cosmo, it was “a-ok “with me including: protein bars and protein powders, frozen dinners, raw veggies, tons of nuts and almond butter, egg white omelets, and no carbs, no meats or no fats (depending on the popular trend at the time).

Eating disorder treatment is a whole other can of worms complicating the story. Over the accumulated three years of my life spent in inpatient treatment centers and hospitals, along with the 15 years of meal plans with prescriptions to eat McDonald’s Egg McMuffins and Dairy Queen Blizzard’s, I equally did not see (or eat) a real food—at least not much of it. 

The universal theme? My body—namely my gut—didn’t know how to deal with the influx of foods that were difficult to digest.  The result? A host of inflammation and imbalances. 

Even though, at age 26 I found “real food,” was well beyond my eating disorder and discovered the art of “stressing less,” I had ALOT of “damage” to heal and make up for from the previous 26 years of my life. 

In short: How you feel today (or how you will feel tomorrow, or 10-50 years from now) is a result of the choices you made years ago.

Survey Says

I spent the entire 26th year of life, studying nutrition and forming the foundations of my current functional medicine, nutrition and therapy business. 

The next year, I found myself in two rigorous functional medicine trainings and sinking my teeth (and brain) into anything that explained more about WHY I felt the way I felt (i.e. constipated and bloated ALL the time), trying to understand WHY it seemed like no doctors could help me just feel good in my own skin.  Instead of believing “bloating and constipation are just a part of life,” I dedicated my studies and used my body as my own experiment to find out if healing was truly possible. 

The following images from a few of my lab tests are just a glimpse of what 26 years of processed foods, lifestyle and gut stress does to your body. 

 Osteoporosis: 

Cause: Malnutrition, lack of essential fatty acids, inability to absorb nutrients (“leaky gut”) and bacterial overgrowth

 SIBO (Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth)

Cause: High grain consumption, low stomach acid, stress, overtraining, artificial sweeteners, low fat diets, FODMAP foods, antibiotics, processed and packaged foods

 High Cortisol (i.e. stress hormone)

Cause: “Leaky gut,” overtraining (or sedentary lifestyle), lack of quality sleep, lack of water, burning a candle at both ends (trying to do it all), gut-inflammatory foods and food intolerances, high caffeine or sugar/artificial sweetener consumption, NOT going with your gut (and being true to yourself), LED light/screen exposure

The Bottom Line

Knowledge is power, and healing IS possible—(even with 26 years+ of processed foods and other health stressors under your belt).

The secret? 

It goes far beyond “clean eating”….

How to Heal Your Gut

It’s easier than you think.  It involves 3 simple steps: 

Step 1: Identify the Underlying Root Cause(s) of your Gut Issues

(note: even if you don’t have bloating or IBS or constipation, skin issues, allergies, thyroid/hormone imbalances and “slow metabolism” issues ALSO are often rooted in your gut)  often made out to be more complicated than it is. Common “root causes” of gut issues include:

Environmental toxic burden

SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth)

Parasites, fungal or bacterial infection

Dysbiosis (imbalanced gut bacteria)

Food intolerances 

Intestinal permeability

Chronic infections (Lyme, Ebstein Barr)

Bonus:

To figure out your root causes, the fastest route to seeing a clearer picture of everything going on is testing (not guessing) your health woes. Work with a functional medicine practitioner who can help you decide what (if any) testing may be helpful including: 

Stool testing

Comprehensive blood chemistry testing (not just a CBC)

SIBO breath testing

Organic acids testing

DUTCH hormone/cortisol testing

IgG, IgA, IgE food intolerance/allergy testing

Heavy metals/essential nutrients testing

Step 2: Get Back to the Basics

You cannot supplement or eat your way out of a stressful lifestyle. The “unsexy” simple health basics are game-changers for calming stress AND gut healing including:

Eating a nutrient-dense, whole-foods ancestral diet (proteins, carbs and fats included)

Drinking half your bodyweight in ounces of water daily

Taking a quality probiotic, prebiotics and eating fermented and prebiotic foods daily

Sleeping 7-9 hours per night

Resetting your circadian rhythm (limiting screen exposure/artificial light at night; eating at normal times; getting fresh air)

Daily movement/exercise (but not TOO much)

Step 3: Heal (Don’t Manage) Your Symptoms

Healing your gut is not just about taking probiotics and drinking kombucha. Once you identify your ROOT causes of your gut imbalances, you must take action steps to HEAL your gut (not just manage gut health or suppress symptoms).

This step will be unique to you and is best first accomplished with the guidance of a skilled practitioner. Request a complimentary 10-minute consult with Dr. Lauryn’s clinic today to start your own healing journey. 

  The post What 26 Years of Processed Foods Does to Your Body appeared first on Meet Dr. Lauryn.

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